Petits Haricots

its called networking, and evening still going on, but I’m getting so old that the too loud music has drven me away! Various consultants from cambridge there frightening me about going back to work and having to turn into superdoctor - sigh!
Anyway, have listened to lots of drivel on incontinence and a few pearls of wisdom, and done m own bit too [drivel I’m afraid!]
Chris has nearly used up nearly all the ‘pute time, so this is short!

Up in Glasgow for a work conference for Helen, just for couple of days. We’ve all come mostly becuase BB needs her food . Not been to bad as the hotel is attached to the conference centre so aquick text can bring mummy running, and we can pop back in during the day easily enough. Looking around the room -we’ve certainly made ourselves at home ….:-(

The site is in the old docks area though, and not much actually around here. Me and the kids ambled around in the morning, crossed the river on a couple of bridges, nosed about a bit etc. Helen bunked off for couple of hours and we walked down to see this old sailing ship It was pretty good, SB enjoyed looking round the boat in that sort of flighty - ok what’s next 4 year old kind of way. She was keen to go when I showed her the leaflet, and enjoyed it. There was a little indoor musuem bit as well, sadly not a proepr cafe, so we had to head back to the hotel for our dinner (H had gone back to conference)

Gatecrashed the conference coffe break for BB BF, while I had coffe and cake and SB charmed (she does it so well) numerous chocloates from one of the company stands popped out for a quick shop essentiaals such as beer…. - failing to find any black leggings/tracksuit bottoms etc. for SB for her Stagecoach class we’ve booked her into down in Huntingdon

Once H went off to her evening do me and SB settled down on the bed, a bit of Webland and then we watched ‘What the Acients did for us’ With Adam Hart-davis doing his thing about the Egyptians. I thought/hoped she’d drop off during it, but obviously was interested enough to watch the whole thing -though she did keep wanting to know when we would get to the pyramids Once in bed though she did zonk out before the end of the story book.

After a couple more interupptions of H’s meal by SB getting the munchies I settled down to couple of hours time wasting on the ‘pute with a beer.

H back, better leave her bit of net time

As have been so by the matriarch of the another morning household! Apparently I have blogged too much today and she nearly missed things!!!! [smiles]
so for your delectation to day is
Quick catchup post about easter mainly and a bit about today.

6 photoposts, the bottom one being BB as fairy

Interview Me: my interview by monster and teeny’s Nic - idea originally on the morning matriarch
- about 600 posts down! And also threaded meme like throughout the blogring

PEST Chris commenting on SB’s spelling ability

Does that help everyone??

SEE PHOTOS BELOW!!

Easter
Well, we are at my parents for easter and have had a lovely time. Whats more, I didn’t eat way too much chocolate - woohoo!

Sb and my nephew ran around having a ball. Grandad took them to the park a couple of times to let some energy free, and that worked well. He also took SB to feed the ducks by the river on their won. Its the first time he has had her all to himself like that since he did a mercy mission when she was 9 months with chickenpox. I was really happy!

My migraine eventually disappeared - thank god - and we were all otherwise well.

My Nan dozing more than before, but still happy and we all played scrabble together. She had some lovely cuddles with BB, and was entertained by SB. unsurprisingly she hasn’t voted to live with us, but is aware it is an open invitiation. TBH I am actually v disappointed, as it seemed right for her to live with us. However, if I am keen on having an independent autonomous daughter, I can’t really complain at an independent and autonomous Nan! I will still mention it every now and again, and perhaps have her visit us now and again for a battery recharge.

All in all, lovely time. Will prob add a couple of piccies - partic a nice one of BB after SB had decorated her with body stickers!

Today
SB at nursery in the morning. When we woke up, she was telling me how much she wanted to go to the ostrich farm, and wondered whether we could do it today. I was fairly non-commital and texted the post natal group and they had arranged the farm - how jammy is that!! cue wreaths of smiles from SB when i picked her up from nursery and told her where we were going. Took us ages to get out, as she made all her nursery friends cue up to admire and stroke BB! The farm has a nice indoor play area, as well as some unusual animals outside. she particularly liked the wallaby [wollowpie!] with baby in pouch. Also played well with the postnatal group today without getting left out.

BB def gets bored now, so some effort made in jiggling, wiggling and toys! Still feeds for England, and sleeps well though.

In one of her morning sleeps I wrote my letter to work, enclosing an official looking form requesting to work flexibly. I’ve opted for compressed hours for a 4 day week, in the hopes that they find it more acceptable and say yes. then with time, I might work on losing an afternoon as well. However, a 4 day week sounds like a great place to be at the moment. fingers crossed!

Aunty Margaret visited late afternoon, and had a good cuddle of BB, and read ‘the glass heart’ to SB - which is a lovely book. SHe had bought SB a glass heart for easter, and as luck would have it, is still unbroken! She is keen that we restart putting photoalbums on our webpages when we move, so she can keep up with SB and BB. there is such a lot of things to miss when we move.

Thoughts of the days: still gripped by a riptide of melancholia with regards to time passing, both for children and loved ones. however, even with this as background leitmotif, we have still had a lovely time. I am still determined that I will live as much in present as possible, and enjoy it to the max, disregarding sasdness of return to full time employment and mortality issues. I think I have managed quite well.

Interviewed by Monster and Teeny’s Nic.

1. How did you and Chris meet?

well i guess that the duke of edinburgh introduced us, with a bit of help from my dad!
To get into med school I did the duke of edinburgh gold award, and had done all but the week away thing. I was finishing the first year and asked dad just to arrange something, so he chose a british trust for conservation volunteers week, making steps for a footpath at boxhill. Chris was the driver/cook and I needed a diversion after my exams! obviously very diverting.

2. How did you hear about HE and who convinced who?

Think this is 2 questions really!
At about 2ish, i decided that i wasn’t that keen for SB to be thrust into a large class at an early age. thinking she was going to be our only, i looked into private ed, and there is a lovely family school nearby. it has small groups, nurturing environ etc, and i thought that sounded good. I also thought about just starting late - 7ish, which i think is more sensible. Chris also was thinking along same non-school lines for similar reasons, but caught a thread on one of the NG about home ed and joined some lists first. About 2 1/2 we discussed it, and started to think seriously about home ed. I guess chris was the primary driver as off and on, i still think i may have gone the private route if no money issues, and an equally friendly place where we are moving. Partly cos last year in partic the grown up HE groups were scary places and it seemed inevitable that SS would knock on your door, and only children with special needs that school had failed, children that had suffered bullying, or those with very unconventional ways of life were HE. [I consider myself v conventional] However sticking mostly to mud pud, and meeting HE-ers from there and also yorks region has been good.
i still think we can do a far better job than school, but look at it in bite-size chunks, that we will HE until SB 8, and think then on how it has gone, and whether still right thing to do. now we have that decision, I think in typica Helen style I have then gone about looking at the practicalities and retail therapy with more of a vengeance than Chris!

3. Describe yourself in three words

This sounds like one of those dreadful moments in medical interviews when they want to know the difference between clinical governance and audit ‘in three words’ [bugger all really]
Not Really Sure? [maybe will come back to this?]

4. Songs and readings at funeral
well, hopefully someone to stand up to say I had a good innings, was happy in my life, and leave behind a lot of love. music can be vaughn williams lark ascending. [green burial under tree please]

5. What would I like SB and BB to say about me as a mother
another tricky one really, as I so want it all to be positive!
I guess it is important to me that they remember home primarily as a place of love and safety. hopefully that Chris and I worked as a team to put in place what we could to help them acheive their dreams. I want them to have felt loved, valued and empowered. With lots of laughter on the way. That perhaps I juggled work and home OK so that has given them more confidence in making their choices. I would like them to feel that I was still loving and affirmative of their choices, however different, when they reached adulthood. Also that we could agree to disagree without any loss of respect or trust.

I guess that is it. Thanks Nic.

If YOU want to be interviewed:

1. Leave me a comment saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions (not the same as you see here).
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions. (If you don’t have a blog, let this inspire you to begin one!!)
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

Just got back from the Easter visit to Helen’s Mum and Dads, had nice relaxing time, one of use will blog a bit about it at some point I guess. But one little amusing snippet:

Sitting round the table at dinner, Nanny phonically spelled out p,e,s,t in reference to E, Stringbeans and Butterbeans 18 month-ish cousin. Stringbean pipes up ‘Pest’ ! - that’s our girl We were quite impressed.

well, marginally better anyway, enough to blog as long as I don’t actually look at the screen - suits my typing style anyway! Temp gone down, still migrainous, but heavy duty tablets taken.

SB and chris nipped to the shops for milk and bread. BB asleep - at least she slept better last night, though SB instead squiggled her way into our bed! Don’t know what they have been up to all day though!

We are off to my parents for Easter, which will be nice. I think I added on end of last blog that my Nan’s breast cancer spread further.I am devastated by this, as though all too aware that the 5 year survival was 50% at best, you hope that the person you know will be in that 50%. She is on year 4. Also, had the GP sent hr to hospital 7 years previously when she had first noticed a lump, rather than telling her it was nothing, she might actually have been cured [rage!] - or if I’d have known!!!

She is fiercely independent at 82, and lives on her own in Norfolk, and none of us is particularly close - I will be the closest when we move. She has severe arthritis, so walking and chores are hard - but she doesn’t accept help. My Aunt has said she can live with them, but Nan is not keen as she would be alone in the daytime, and no-where actually within walking distance she could go, so feels she would completely lose all independence. Also, this is the house she spent all her married life with my grandad, so doesn’t really want to let go.

Ideally we would have been closer, and I did look for jobs in Norfolk, so we could have popped by at least on 1ce or 2ce weekly basis, and done a big shop together etc. We will try fortnightly from where we are - which my aunt and my mum both visiting monthly, that should help.

I am aware though that as cancer is spreading through her bones, her present independent living may be compromised. I’ve discussed it with chris, and good fellow that he is, we are going to tell her she has an open invitation to come and live with us as we live across road from 2 shops in a village location, and family will be at home most of week. No idea of the practicalities, but I’m sure we would muddle through. I don’t think she will accept, though I will be happy if she does. But at least she will know that if she ever wants to, our door is open to her. Time is just so precious isn’t it, both with my 2 girls, who grow up so quickly, and then with those that I have loved all my life that will leave me too soon.

SO obviously rumours of her disappearance somewhat overstated! in fact, she was sighted in Leeds, so being a kind soul, I took her and children in for the day.

Visitors
We had a huge amount of noise, but SB and Big mostly played beautifully together with only a little bit of jockeying for pole position.

–
Helen

Small, as always, was a dream, and quietly did his own thing. BB also reasonably good [bearing in mind hideous night - more later]. Big not keen on the muffins, but did eat half, so coudn’t have been that bad. SB says we have to make a different cake next time. [socialisation]

Jax and I got to have a natter, and I got a glimpse of SB’s HE future. Both are certainly strongwilled bright girls! We missed the programme on radio 2 though as I was a bit of a crap hostess nad lost track of time, so it was 2pm before I got lunch out :¬( and b then programme done and gone.

Other things
We had an appalling night from BB, up for over 2 hours unsettled. today she has developed a cough, maybe that. I had storming migraine, so couldn’t have been timed worse. In the end I succumbed to the tablets as could see no other way of getting through the day. I dont really like to take medication while bf. BB been a bit grouchy all day. Although she liked the water filled thing, she wasn’t up for being on her tummy long. At the mo we are making a bit of a pigs ear at feeding.

SB’s Nana sent her an easter present of a magazine and book, and a mini packet of celebrations which she soon polished off. We read the magazine and did the games in it. [reading] We also finished the thankyou letters at last! [writing]

A bit of adjusting when Jax left saw SB stropping round the house. Settled with making up her marble run and cooking tea with Daddy. My migraine come back with a vengeance, so am going to try and lie down like dying duck on sofa!!

Days summary: lovely day, good to see children learning negotiating skills, albeit reluctantly! I could do with some sleep though. Oh, and feeling gutted that my nan’s breast cancer spread more in the bones

The Aftermath in Stringbean’s Room

They had fun

self indulgent ranting
I prob should password this, but the likelihood of someone from ex-work reading this approaches 0. After all, if they can’t read my sodding emails, they’re not going to read a blog.

I have been trying to organise a large RCT comparing the use of a graft material with none. Its all rather complex, but basically, it needs a long timespan audit/pilot study ti show material doesn’t ‘fail’. I did a 2 year audit 2 years ago, and atarted the 4 yr audit last summer. It took approx 60 hours to fill out all the ethics forms, and at 38 weeks pg, with broken foot etc I had to go and present it to the local ethics committee - all with a nominal presence only of the cheif investigator. To be fair, I always knew I was going to do pretty much all the work. She is a fantastic surgeon, but not so keen on the nitty gritty of audit. However, all i’ve actually asked of ‘the team’ is to get the remaining 40 case notes for me [i data entried the other 120 after retrieving them from the void before leaving for new job], 2 signatures, writing permission for honorary contract [so i am allowed to see said case notes], the paper and envelopes. I’ve provided time, stamps, mileage etc gratis. Oh, and I did ask if one of the 2 secretaries could do some of the photocopying. well, i got 1 of the sigs and nothing else, repeated emails and visits. last straw is that i need to pay for the paper and envelopes myself to go ahead [3 reams and 320 envelopes, as well as the 160 stamps] The lack of the second sig - which i’ve only just found out, means I cant do bloody thing yet anyway.

I guess what annoys me is that i still feel the guilty party for non-completion. I will also kick myself for stopping, as it is actually interesting, and may lead to improvement for prolapse results. However, there is no way to get this out before i move, and bugger all hope of ever getting the questionnaires forwarded onand analysed. Also the lack of help when i asked for things, but meaningless gesture offers given now to see if i can be conned into continuing. AAAARRRGH!!!

I’m not sure if they’ve actually grasped i’ve bowed out. i’ve left what i’ve done clearly organised with what needs to come next, but at lunch i was asked about the main rct design! Also some impression i’ll run about getting their posters up to glasgow whatever it takes - i think not!

family life
This unfortunately has spilled over into the rest of the day. I picked up SB from nursery. She was finishing an easter card - very nicely done, with happy easter written in it. And had done a lot of painting and letter shapes. [art, writing]

We went to gingerbread cottage to meet up with the post natal group. it was manic there as all the boys were fighting, some of the mums shouting and most looking harrassed. SB was quite upset as Z and his cousin W wouldn’t play with her at all - they were inseperable on Sun. I explained they were obviously just wanting to play together, and it wasn’t that they didn’t like her, just were in that mood. She was disconsolate, and then wouldn’t play with anyone else until the last 15 mins. sigh - and how do you deal with it? I cuddled her, agreed it was sad and gave options. [socialisation/PE]

We came home and she did some bike riding, then we made chocolate and banana muffins - yummy. I was still in mummy mode when the mixture was strewn around and an egg dropped. [baking] Although i knew i felt headachey and grumpy.

We then did studydog [english] which SB enjoying v much. She tends to do a bit much though and start to mess about. [ I’m still holding together] so we moved to cbeebies website. [IT]

However when we had the usual messing about over eating dinner i could feel myself being so intensely irritated that i had to leave the room before harridan helen took over. It took approaching an hour to eat. I just can’t bear it!

breathe helen!

house update
still not progressing, don’t know outcome of the building regs for carport thing, and waiting for the final surveys on place moving to.

breathe!!!!

35 4

[written by sb!]

Obviously for BB, as SB paints a lot. I put paint on BB’s hand and did handprints to cut out for easter cards - now to get SB to do it too. She was fascinated by the paint and its texture. I think I am going to introduce her to a bit of messy play tomorrow. Not with paint, but with perhaps oats and water to squish around. I also was given a birth present that you fill with water and then they can squish around the shapes whilst lying on their tummies, so I’ll excavate that, as I think she may be ready for it. It is sad to reach that stage that cuddling and nuzzling not enough, as I really do like cuddles and nuzzles. My wee baby [LOL] is getting older.

A nursery day for SB, but blogworthy is the fact that after her bath, she decided to go for a bike ride on the drive, in her pjamas [Edit by Chris - even more amusingly it was pitch dark as well ]. I think Chris is prob a secret TCS person! Actually I can see a lot positive in it, and I like its challenging thought provoking stance. I am an equilibrium contiuum parent - we are continually trying to find it!

I sorted out those blasted questionnaires, [well nearly, just got to put names on them] going to storm ex-work tomorrow, throw them on the desk and say there, my last pint of blood! or words to that effect!

Summary of the Day: well actually annoyed as spent time doing questionnaires, almost sure for nothing. But one of those days were you notice one of your children has moved on a stage, and that is a bittersweet joy of progression!

Ok, having breakfast in itself isn’t unusal.

But I’d taken SB to nursey, by the time I’d pottered around bit Helen was up, so I cooked up a nice breakfast - Tofu, onions, mushrooms and garlic fried up on toast, nice mug of coffee, sun shining though the window, BB obliged by going to sleep, so we sat down together to eat it.

I’d like to say we had an indepth conversation, but actually we sat there reading ‘The Guardian’, but it was nice quite calm moment to share, and we don’t get lot of those nowadays.