I really do think that by being mindful of the relationship with SB you are doing all you need to do. Although I often refer to my two as ‘the kids’ in blogland I am aware of having seperate and individual relationships with them as people as opposed to just my offspring. This has only happened since Scarlett became a person as opposed to a small baby. I have never quite worked out whether age gaps make any difference at all, I am totally aware that our planned age gap coming true was pure luck and good fortune, but I do maintain that by being mindful of our relationships with each other as four seperate people (me, Ady, D and S) all interacting and living with each other needing to develop and grow was key to the fact that we all do now have seperate and special bonds within that foursome – and you will too!!!
I know there is the whole birth order, gender, age gap thing to be considered (and IMO mainly chucked away too!) but the six seperate relationships (me and Ady as a married couple, me and Davies as my son, me and Scarlett as my daugher, Ady with Davies as father and son, Ady with Scarlett as his DD and Davies and Scarlett as brother and sister) within the family which exist alongside us as a family unit all have their own dynamics going on which as the children grow older and into people in their own right will change and shift and the best you can do is be aware of them and deal with them as they arise.
You are doing a fab job Helen, as wife, mother and friend and as Helen in your own right and will juggle that with being Dr J again when the time comes just fine xxx