Comments on: mothering sunday

By: HHaricot

HHaricot — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:01:39 +0000

actually bob, that comes over just fine! in fact you have a good track record of writing sensible comments when i blog wobble.

By: Bob

Bob — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:36:14 +0000

It’s sometimes very hard to tread the line between complacency and beating yourself up. Always beating yourself up might be tempting as it keeps you from being complacent, but the guilt and other bad feelings it produces can actually get in the way of being a good parent. Also it’s so easy to see other people’s happy smiley children and feel bad at you/your children’s imperfections, and bizarrely also easy to shrug off the tantrums etc. of other people’s children as not a big deal (certainly much smaller than those of your own children). Our lot often seem to behave much better when out-and-about than at home, which adds to the distorted perceptions.

Sorry – this sounds patronising when I re-read it, but I can’t think of how to say it better. Hugs sometimes say things much better!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 23:10:18 +0000

I don’t think it does count as I was trying very hard to read the paper and reading bits out to her such as the Many struddle with arithmetic article (so discussed square roots)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article3471167.ece
and the whale defending her babe http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article3470886.ece

It only counts if it’s full and undivided, willingly given attention/time.

I’ll give myself half a point for reading the articles to her – but that was just because I wanted to read them myself and she wanted interaction. So again, interaction was on my terms.

By: HHaricot

HHaricot — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:59:45 +0000

thanks guys. i am concerned that the rose tints on those specs may be giving an unrealistic impression of the world of here. however, its lovely that you are all writing. you have all given me a boost.

sausage games count michelle.

and allie, yes, i think i have a tendency to the negative, and poss standards high. but i feel that i actually have no time to get it wrong. i couldn’t bear the, well mum was always at work, and if she was at home it was clear she would rather have been at work epithet [which i nearly did yesterday]

but i am seriously concerned about doing this sib thing and bb thing right [and have on and off worried about it since baggy poopoo christmas]

and i know i am a bit of a middle class navel gazer. but …

By: Allie

Allie — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:23:40 +0000

Erm, is it possible that you are setting yourself very high standards, Helen? I think that sometimes we beat ourselves up for the bad days and don’t acknowledge the good ones enough. What others say is true – everyone has bad days – and bad weeks. Getting over those spells is a challenge for me. And then, suddenly, things are brighter. I often have no idea why!

Speaking personally, I tend not to give something to one and not the other. In my family of origin there were four kids and some felt any such incidents very keenly – and were inclined to keep score! I reckon it’s not worth the risk of feeding latent jealousy, so we try to be scrupulously fair.

By: Alison

Alison — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:08:52 +0000

It’s easy to be a good mother when all’s going well, and even easier to think that things are going well because you are one! But it’s when times/children are trying that you really get to prove yourself. A few crappy days does not make you a bad parent. How you react to them is the thing. You are constantly thinking about what you do, reviewing your days, working out how to make improvements, etc – that’s what makes you a good parent. IMO.

By: Joanna

Joanna — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:40:43 +0000

Michelle, I might try that with you. I’m sure Helen will knock the spots off us all, full-time job or not!! I definitely err more to your side of the equation!

Helen, if we all had secret CCTV cameras in each other’s homes so we could spy on each other, we would all barely be able to look each other in the face, I’m sure. I’m still amazed that Bill loves me when he knows what I’m really like!

I think BB’s behaviour is just 3-year old stuff – Shannon is exactly the same. Perhaps it just doesn’t register so strongly in my mind because Jade is almost as bad! And that really IS a problem!!! Whereas Shannon does much more genuine ‘sorry’s than Jade ever does.

I honestly truly can think of nothing I’ve seen you do in your parenting that I would criticise you for, Helen, and I wouldn’t say that about everybody!! I only wouldn’t say it to anybody else ‘cos then they might tell me some home truths back and I don’t want to hear them – I’m only too well aware of them already.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:56:32 +0000

Time doing stuff (I’m discounting playing the daft “sausages” game over lunch when I tried to read the paper) with Clo today = none

I will try to keep a record all week.

By: Kirsty Bartholomew

Kirsty Bartholomew — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:00:08 +0000

sending hugs – hope you’re feeling a little more upbeat today.

By: Em

Em — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 09:55:24 +0000

I just want to (is it 7th now?!) what Jan wrote so well.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. From us on the outside looking in, you do a bloody fantastic job.

Sending lots of hugs for a tricky day though. xx