Monthly Archives: December 2010

a very quick post as pretty tired!!

Wed we did some manic further tidying am, and then my parents, niece and nephew arrived. set them up with crafts and carried on tidying and preparing. had hoped to craft, but just 2 much stuff to do. I did manage to go up the v tall ladder lots to hang the nets and curtains at all the front windows – privacy at last!! did a fair bit of child wrangling as all too excited and not a dedicated adult lovely to have them all though. Also baked muffins.

thurs i was more dedcated so helped colour and craft including baubles, fimo , crackers. bb and e baked 2 cakes with me, sb and m played board games and wii games. rabbits have been coralled a bit as starting to like pulling cushions apart. played lots of christmas carols, was too snappy with both sb and bb [bb def a lot better, but v nasty bruise now on leg] but was lovely to e, including nearly singing her to sleep [she stayed awake, but t was v difficult, but she wanted to hear me to the end - aw bless ] M doesn’t talk about his mum, but e does, and she says her christmas wish is to see her mummy

played alhambra with sb and mum. made a lovely pea and mint soup and also brandy butter. tidying pretty much there. the house has a lived in rather than ransacked look to it now anyway

rather upsettingly, the hired telescope does not appear to be working

having to redo appraisal after xmas. TBH, I just wish we could say i was crap, the reasoning behind it, and move onto next year, but no, we have to discuss it at great horrible length. i don’t have the strength really to keep going to work, but am doing so. Discussing last year is like pulling the plug on that strength. SO by sat I was feeling v wobbly indeed, and uncertain how i could keep putting that foot infront of the other. Yes, I have lost my sister, whom i loved dearly, but i still have more loved ones alive just as dear, and the girls more so. But somehow that loss acts like a black hole on positivity. SO Saturday a v bad day. i have no idea what happened in the morning. in the afternoon we went to see voyage of the dawn treader. i loved the cinematography, it is beautiful. Its not exactly the book, and also not entirely the film for someone wobbling – better than up tho! But on the way out i knew I was done for the day, that although I had planned a lovely evening with a good friend, i just couldn’t do it. So sorry

The girls enjoyed the film, BB not entirely well, we had taken her to GP on fri as joints and tummy hurting, he couldn’t find anything specific and thought prob post viral. But the sea serpent def scary, and they decided A and L fish wouldn’t like it.

When we returned home, I deep breathed, and we crafted. BB and I made fimo pots for family membersd. they are fab i had to soften the fimo, cos although new and sealed in pack it was really dry and flaky, and v hard to get going. I wondered if that was due to the cold? or a poor batch?? anyway, did it. SHe made 2 that night. SB dipped mixed nuts and dried mango and apricot into milk choc for grandad – he will like that we chatted and laughed, SB is good at chatting and laughing, and she is so easy to join in. heart of gold that girl <3 I love how her eyes brighten and smile, and her words become butterflies and flitter all over the place. SOmetimes she changes direction that often even she gets confused All her presents are done. i made some choc gifts for ppl at work.

SUnday, BB and I together finished her presents in the morning, but she didn’t seem quite as well. She ate a hearty lunch though watching a film. SB is v good at eggy bread SB coloured in crackers and dd something on the ‘puter. I made curry to freeze for xmas, and a bit extra for the night. SB made a really fab felt bag for BB, which i will put up pic after xmas t took her quite a while, but she did it beuatifully. BB did some leappadding – a dinosaur book. we had a film-y afternoon but BB was worrying me as v off perk, and then her tummy pain got so bad she couldn’t bear to be touched. SO we trotted off to A and E. 3 1/2 hours later we were admitted with ? appendix or mesenteric adenitis. if she wasn’t improved, a CT scan the following day. A v uncomfortable night, especially since the surgical reg came and discussed results at 3am!! BB slept tho, and by the morning looked more comfortable. unfortuntely she also had a v florid rash. At least diagnosis easier – Henoch Schonlein purpura. Urine clear tho, and pain she was getting ? intussusception. but since pretty settled prob not, but could be bowel oedema or gallbladder oedema. also pancreatitis. not sure if amylase done? crp not too high though at 35, so excludes lots of the nasties. argh for worrying still. We were observed all day, but she was grad improving, so sent home for me to keep an eye on her as beds were in high demand and all the other kids had various viral nasties we didn’t want to get in tht room!! so i took 2 more days off work so could keep good eye on her. That won’t have gone down well either. But she has been pretty ill, and i was seriously v worried about her sun night, and only as we got to mon late aft was i sure she was improving. by then work had cancelled my work the following day and said i might as well leave things as is. We were v glad to get home. tummy still sore to touch, but fever settled, arthralgia pretty much gone. we just have to watch for relapse or intussusception. and have fortnightly appts at hospital, as risk of long term kidney probs. still a bit worried about the tummy pain tbh. we did try and watch last apprentice mon night, but i fell asleep v quickly.

Anyway cosmic supply company, i don’t need to be reminded further of what i have balanced against what i have lost. I am quite clear, it is what has kept me going these last nearly 4 months and kept me trying to smile and do as i tread the path. I wish for a happy and healthy next year please.

SB popped into see BB in hosp before going to nanna’s and hopefully is having fun there. Today i have hugged and been with BB, and also cleaned the conservatory and we have put the rabbit hutch in there. the blummin rabs have eaten all the wires to the xmas lights in there tho! my parents are going to think having them in there awful, but although not snowed, the weather outside freezing -7/-8 most evenings so says my car anyway. Have also sorted the living room and finished the playroom – daddybean had done most of the job, and today mostly did dining room. after BB went to bed, i have wrapped all the presents.

the days off work mean the few presents i did will be new year presents. Determined to do better in the new year. both at work and at home. I just feel so lost sometimes. I am also determined to at least look like i am enjoying christmas hugely, to not snap and grump and hopefully, if i try hard enough, i will enjoy it. It will be our first christmas without viv, and i hope that we can provide joy for her children and stewart. mum, dad and the kids arrive tomorrow, so prob won’t blog again till after.

so, happy christmas and hoping for a happy and healthy new year to you all.

v useful, a bit tricky to stretch on, so if you are at the upper limit of the size i would recommend the next size up

petits haricots is a participant in the the amazon Europe s.a.r.l. associates programme designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.co.uk

It was a lovely sunny morning here. we had a slow start due to a bit of internet messing about and silliness with friends last night in fact, the same messing about is slowing me down blogging tonight it is fun to have fun, but you have to know how

It became clear tho that dadybeans slow start wasn’t just tiredness, and that perhaps he wasn’t going to go out and about today. one of the potential things on the calendar had been a christmas thing at a place near us. but instead, serendipitously and fortuitously [or something] we managed to arrange for sum -1 [i can't find the button that will give me the right key as it were] of us to meet up with sum -1 of the manor borns and going geocaching to a christmas themed walk. it was great, a balmy 8 degrees, easy location to park, arrived pretty much simultaneously. SB was desperate to give Mi the present she had made her, and MDJ a present so he wouldn’t feel left out they both seemed happy.

Initially we looked for some numbers that were supposed to be near the carpark for a later geocache destination, but we couldn’t find them so moseyed to the christmas tree – v obvious, and the micro easy to locaate with coords for the main cache. we added some decs to the tree and then went to find the main cache. SB was enjoying getting muddy etc rather than being a bit more logical, so BB found it [with a few hints ] nice big box and lots of swaps done. placed in a travelbug of ours, as think it is a cache that will see a fair bit of visits before xmas.

then, whilst picking up directions for the secret santa one, we stumbled across 6 digits on a bridge, a quick conflab between me and MDJ and we decided that they could be the same as the ones we should have found by the carpark. we plugged them into the clue, and it was a possible, so we saved that for a 3rd geocache. the way to the santa a bit muddy, but we got there. luckilly mi had made and brought secret santas so could be swapped and everyone happy. MDJ got the best one tho i think, as the wherewithal to set up at least 2 geocaches he was v happy

so we went towards the hoped for coords of the final cache, and we were lucky again both girls enjoyed scampering for the caches, they were all big box caches rather than micros – always goes down well. a successful day geocaching

we returned to Mi house via a v wendy path had a delicious dinner, girls were true to their personalities and we did get some chance to chat, though with such avid earwiggers, actual gossip was difficult . their renovation work looking good tho. returned at a much more sensible hour and packed girls off to bed, found a few words of sympathy for DH and messed about on ‘puter. about to go to bed myself now

as I had too traumatic a day. I have put in the latinetc logo, as it went on, but i didn’t really contribute anything at all. In fact, rather dreadfully, it made perfect childcare. Latin went on, and SB did a lot of Skoldo French. not sure what BB did at all, if anything? she was happy enough though. SB did do piano prac

me, well i went for my mammogram. the first since my sister died from breast cancer in August, a month after her 39th birthday. It is my 4th mammogram now, and still stressy and awful. the radiographers always nice enough, but… And this time worst, as i sobbed before and after, for my sister and all that she and we have lost.

A quick run back to the deependers though, as needed to take SB to her second dental appointment of the week. time for a cup of tea and chat with lecielrouge and k as we all had a hasty lunch, before taking mine away. SB I needed to rush to the dentist, but they were running late anyway, ho hum! we watched lots of things on the plasma tv, mostly of teeth becoming manky and falling out – great but also the trailer of dawntreader which we plan to see . tooth was done by v nice dentist and although not quite as good as the first one, this was far harder to do, as less of it to start with, and at least we avoided having a root canal [so far] as the stuff the exeter man put on has done the job . no clarinet playing, recorder or biting for at least a month, and ideally for clarinets and firm bites like apples, for 3 mostly due to the wobblieness of the left tooth rather than for the fillings, as he is sure she will need them replaced off and on… as he said, you can’t wrap kids in cotton wool. he has also referred to an orthodontist. i made her, BB and daddybean a dental followup in jan

i got home, thinking to relax, but had a phone call from work that made me stressy and nervous about today, got imminent migraine, couldn’t relax etx etc.

today girls went to tots and nots, but piano exam book in my car and SB’s grade 1 piano exam today. so i came home at lunchtime to drop off. BB had loved the toilet roll santa chimney craft. After lunch a stressy aft at work, but moving on… SB enjoyed her piano exam, but the ‘trudging’ piece went ‘bananas’ which basically means totally awful. so who knows if she will pass, but she did it, enjoyed it and worked hard for it.

Oh, and she got a bronze certificate for her primary maths challenge, which pleased her, and will try for a silver next year

Well nearly. i kind of feel like i am standing on the walls at Helms Deep watching christmas rolling towards me. Christmas has never seemed like something to dread before, not to this extent. Last year was hard, the first year without Little Nanny, who made the essence of christmas in our family, it was hard to sing carols without sobbing, hard to make and bake, and yet… the carrying on was important. it was hard that my sister was choosing to spend what was likely to be her last christmas abroad with nuclear family at disneyland. Hard, but we cheered too, for the importance that that holiday would have. this year, well, it is just hard. At least last year it was at mum and dad’s, so a venue change, but back here this year. i could have said mum and dad, but this way chris’s parents get to join in and be a welcome part of the family too. But this year, Little Nanny still won’t be here, but oh the gaping hole of not having my sister . it is just like an open wound to the heart really. I know i am being a bit drama queen like, and that i will get through it, and make it fun for the children and i will enjoy parts too, just like last year, but it all comes at a cost and i know that it hurts hundredfold for my parents.

But we have got started with christmas, and today the christmas tree in the living room went up, with moans that i have all the best baubles [say 'yes I do' in a voice like Nic] that is because mine are bought with real money, and all the ones we make with love go on their tree in the playroom. I told them it is good to have 2 different looking trees. mine is a look no touch, and theirs is a play with and love a lot, with a different charm. Neither really bought this. it doesn’t have enough lights [ yet another light crisis, as 41/2 out of 6 chains of lights now don’t work i did get a lovely blue glass bauble from the marble place as a christmas present [early] thankyou lecielrouge for being entirely unsubtle about the hinting . Looks good though, and still room for more baubles nearer xmas will place vases of holly in here too, so will look good

The girls were given a box of toffifees this year rather than an advent calendar, and since they haven’t seen their other grandparents either, bemoaned this massively. so today, SB decided she was going to make an advent calendar to put hers in, and so made the box for it, decorated and all done. BB was not to be outdone, and we made an alternative style using the tray the toffifees came on – honestly, they are done as if you were going to make a calendar from them SO that took quite some time, but the results are great, and we are going to put in the christmas crafts page up top.

SB had a dentists visit with daddybean whilst i was working – he has built up the left [better] tooth with what looks like white filling stuff – it was set with uv, and it looks good. she can feel the bump where it joins, and it is noticeable when teeth smeared with something, but otherwise an excellent match. he says it may break periodically and need doing, and when teeth fully grown can have veneers. the right one is going to be more tricky, and he is going to take off the temp cap on wed, and the decide whether to do something involving a root canal if nerve a prob. i need to ask him a few more questions, and just want to hug her loads, as she has been v v brave XXX

the girls and daddy also cleaned out both rabbit hutches, and the rabbits have played in the conservatory. Skittles and snowy are grad not chasing so much, and i think sedna also settling, tho whether that will last… not heard anything more from snowy owl.

The girls did a bit more crafting, mostly a colour in hanging dec from yellow moon. had been trying to tempt them into stained glass, but they do like doing something that has come from a kit! BB was persuaded, but then instead of a patterned stained glass, went for a father christmas design which i had to make and cut out, by which point she put on one bit of coloured celophane and ran off. harrumph!! hoping she will do some more

bit of shrieking and tidying, as the general mess has got on top of me, and with all the other stuff, i don’t have much margins of sanity. A warm fire, chippery tea and merlin. nice to have shower without everything going dark [motion sensors at hostel ]

Poor BB seems to have lost her voice and appetite, but at least not seeming quite so listless, so hoping she improves.

SO, there we are. big day at work tomorrow [girds loins] and then mammo and dentist wed [keeps loins girded] and then a stiff drink

I am afraid, that with SB wobbly over shattered teeth, BB wobbly over camp virus, me wobbly over shattered teeth, camp virus and Xmas wthout my sister [not sure exactly how to bear it] and back to work, we did more of the same today

The yellow moon bauble painting craft has been v successful, the playing with rabbits v successful, and film of the day was spiderwick chronicles, which I hadn’t seen before, and did enjoy. SB did a good piano prc, but v waily and despondent at how bad you get with a week away – hugs. plan to do pract with her mon and wed, exam on thurs. with prac also sightreading [a bit hit and miss, but mostly ok] and aurals [not her best thing due to lack of pitching first note, but hey ho].

Daddybean bought Xmas tree, and with a bit of a reshuffle, it is in the sitting room, lights a prob, so will check them tonight and put on and the ribbons, and most fragile baubles, and the girls can decorate more tomorrow. Need to give sitting room a really good tidy and clean, and then keep it and conservatory in that state till xmas.

next week busy, dentist monday, latinetc and mammogram [big eek] wed, piano exam thurs, new carpet fitted friday on top of the usual things adding much stress. then hope can breathe!!