my parents and my sister’s children came to our house for the august bank holiday weekend. I declared this to be family thanksgiving. it is/was the year anniversary of my sister’s death. something that i find i still can’t talk sensibly about and actually feel guilty when i write anything about it anywhere. i think this is because other people have had a hard year too and writing about my own hard year would perhaps add to the burden of friends too greatly. SO, i thought i would just take this opportunity to say how much i loved my sister, and how desperately much i hoped that she would live and beat the breast cancer. i miss her hugely. i mis her for herself, her generosity and her grumpiness, i miss her for our shared history – she is my only sibling, the person you rely on to know really who you are as you get older, and all your misdemenours, and i miss her for being the person to roll eyes over other family members with. I grieve that she won;t see her kids grow up. they woke me on the morning of our thanksgiving day with their laughter and merriment with my 2, and all this laughter and merriment is now without her. However, i give thanks that we are strong as a family, that particularly due to my parents huge efforts my nephew and niece are coming through this, knowing they are loved and adored, part of a big family who understand their sadness but aren’t trying to trap them in it but helping and wanting them to go through with love and laughter, and not be defined by the losing of their mother. we gave thanks for the many years we shared with viv, and the fun times we had together. we gave thanks that she acheived so much of what she had wanted to. we gave thanks that we had each other. and we managed to get through the day having love and laughter. the kids did lots of playing, some crafting and a bit too much telly watching together on the saturday. i made lovely lasagne with home grown produce. we toasted all those we loved and lost. hadn’t planned to, but e pointed it out.
on the sunday we went to little gransden airshow. have to say M and bb were a pain, partic M. this is because they didn’t have any money left, and SB and E did… so they spent some [only a v little!] whilst M had a major sulk and bb a wail, but tbh she controlled hers way before m did. did enjoy the airshow. partly as had chosen it to do something dad would partic like [and thought m would] SB and e prob enjoyed the most, tho bb lightened up in the end!! would i go again, well prob not, but for plane enthusiasts do think it was a good show.
played board games and wii games at home. the next day was a chilling at home bank holiday sort of day. we went to the park in the village, and this time it was e’s turn to put on her parts, and actually she is quite a pro!! shame, as otherwise it would have been a lovely family amble and play!! however, i do like that my nephew and niece can have strops and tantrums as well as hysterical laughter because it shows things are normalising for them. last year, they pretty much got all they wanted as ‘recompense’ [well, not really but you understand why] and now they are getting used to being normal again.
i love my family 
I’m glad they are doing so well. Children seem to have enormous capacity to bounce back. I understand how Max dealt with losing his mother much better now I have watched my children experience grief too. They have less baggage I think and so they are more straight forward in the path they find.
I don’t suppose you meant me but I don’t mind you talking to me about your sister; in fact I would welcome it as I do feel that the thing that should have united us this year, experience awful losses, has actually pushed us apart and I’m sad about that and sorry if I have let you down.