BB special update – very indulgently long and rambly!

OK OK, this is my third post today, but having read, and commented in Jan’s, I had more to say! you don’t *have* to read it – though I do like the fact that you do.

BB is 20 weeks old 9/4/05 at 00:22

Most of my posts are SB based really, as this is primarily a home-ed plus life blog, and BB doesn’t have the same repertoire. Therefore thought I would devote one just to her. It seems a very long time since I was awaiting her birth, and her birth actual [birth story]
[birth photos]

The run up to her birth was one of my more stressful years. We had infertility treatment to conceive her – luckilly on the last course of clomid as after that it was going to be ICSI. Also, continuing with that fertility treatment was a gamble on the professional level, as I knew that if it was successful I was potentially jeopardising my future career. Having another child was really important to us though – although not needed with the same desperation as SB was by the time she put in an appearance, still def greatly wanted. Luckilly there were a number of different units around the country that were keen that I went to work in their hospital, the key ones being St James, hinchingbrookes/addenbrookes, Birmingham and York. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I let all the movers and shakers know, and was really relieved and surprised that they didn’t seem phased – well, apart from St James! I actually first realised that I was pregnant cos I came back froma weekend with my Nan, having pranged the car, and the first thing I noticed was the smell of chris’s hair. I’d become really aware of this during SB’s preg as well. My pregnancy seemed to roll along – luckilly, as I found deciding which job in the end to go for to give a good work life balance, provide for my family, enjoy the job etc v difficult. SO many things made me want to stay in yorkshire, but the jimmies option was truly dreadful, and york was a way off having a definite post, so too much of a gamble. It was June when I said no to Jimmies and yes to Hinchingbrookes, and then all the formalities of interviews etc – where at the last minute someone else could have waltzed in and got job – had to be done. I suddenly felt well when I had made decision, but unfortunately broke various bones in a soft play area in August. Unfortunatley, the choice for Huntingdon was short term disastrous sounding, as I had to go and live there for 8 weeks without Chris and SB, seeing them at extended weekends only. It was really awful for me. It also really damaged SB’s relationship with me, and stupidly I hadn’t anticipted that. I have had to work really hard all this maternity leave to be seen as an equal parent with Chris. job, luckilly, seems to be right though.

At last maternity leave, and I was so sure that BB would arrive early/on time that I was completely unprepared for the 4 week wait [she was 2 weeks late]. I tried pretty much everything. At last, I agreed to induction, and I’ve already linked to the birth story. Oddly, for such a short but v painful labour, I actually on some level enjoyed it . It was that feeling that things were happening, that I would get to hold my daughter. I would have prefered a home birth, but this time the hospital came up trumps, and in some way it was nice to give birth in the hospital I had spent so much time working in, amongst friends, and saying a goodbye. [LGI]. It also laid to rest the less good SB delivery.

We got to take BB home first thing in the morning, and it just all felt so right. No nerves – unlike the first time – and my parents were there to welcome me – again unlike first time. BB has been a joy of a baby. She smiles, laughs and doesn’t cry much. Has only intermittantly had colic, and usually sleeps well.

She has that beautiful, restful face of a contented baby – without Ms Ford!! She’s a lovely armful for a cuddle – and so she should be as above 99th centile for weight and length. i feel that with working so hard on the SB relationship – which finally got sorted about Melrose time – she hasn’t had her full look in. however, juggling 2 children can’t have a perfect answer – can it? BB seems to belong well in our family though – hard to explain. When I don’t have her in my arms, I definitely get empty arms feeling! this isn’t to say I hold her all the time – she goes down to sleep, waggles in gym, sits in bouncy chair, and SB gets plenty of arm time too – and lets face it, she’s just as nice to have in my arms, if a bit wiggly!! Surprisingly, we rarely co-sleep. BB v happy in her cot, and we only co-sleep if I fall asleep while feeding. I think this is also affected by SB, as she likes to sneak in the bed at the mo, and its v tight with BB there as well. When we move, we are having a bigger bed, so ma co-sleep more, just co I like it! We co-slept so much with SB, that we wondered why we had bought a cot – mind you she fed throughout the night, and hated being put down.

Now BB sits up well, though have had some nice slo-mo facedowns! She grasps well, and actively choses favourite toys to play with. She like singing and tickling. She loves being gently thrown in the air, and aeroplanes. She adores SB. Her chuckle is gorgeous. She is such a patient thing, as SB really not going for shared limelight [though does really love and care for BB]! And plays happily while waiting for attention. When she gets it again, its like the sun smiling out from her face, and I wish I could give her more 1 to 1 more often. She loves baths and swimming. i really am in love again! She also talks to me – mostly tonal with a few ‘sounds’, again adorable! Not so adorable are the parrot like screaches if she is not happy!! Usually cos she wants to see what is going on.

I have put in officially request to work to return to a 4 day week – not as good as the 3 I used to have as a registrar, but I think they are far more likely to agree, and then with time I will work on things to see if I can take another half day somewhere. This was I hope not to lose the SB relationship again, and to continue to watch BB develop and grow. I’d like to continue to breastfeed for as long as poss – a least a year. If I have to supplement with formula when she goes to nursery, I will try not to beat myself up. moving means we haven’t stashed frozen BM as I would be worried it had partially defrosted in the move.

This post isn’t anything like what I wanted to write when I started out! It should have read as a joyful shout on having BB, and her impact on our lives.

Anyway, good luck and joy to all the presently pregnants. Even more luck and joy for those hoping to be pregnant. I imagine we will be thinking about a third in a couple of years [when I get to spend a year on mat leave, fates willing!]