she is 87 now, and i guess that visits can be bittersweet. i remember the vibrant active nanny of my youth, and see the proud and determined to be self sufficient nan of the present, who TBH, i just want to kidnap and bring home to live. she can manage, that is for sure, but she is lonely, her friends have died, and she lives in a house of the past. even i half expect to hear my grandad whistle as he goes down the passageway. she has lived there ever since homes for heroes after ww2. they were the first tenants into that new council development, and she will be the last of that group to leave. but i am sure she would actually enjoy what time we have left alltogether more if she actually lived close to me, my mum or aunt. please, when i get to ‘that age’ if my children or grandchildren suggest i move closer, i should pack up my memories and go for it. every time i see her, she seems to be preparing more to leave. she is gradually getting rid of lots of her ‘unneccesary belongings’ to ‘save us the trouble’.
and i feel guilty [something i am v good at!] for not going more often, and not prioritising her. because when i am there, i can see how much good it does her, how she loves to see the children. it is knackering for me, because i drive, prepare lunch, make teas, wash up, cook, do odd jobs, listen and talk with her as she is desperate for all that conversation and interaction, but also chivvy children, get them to be on best, and also interact, and not point out she repeats, forgets, and always calls SB by my name and often BB by niece and my nephew by my cousins name. and all this solitariness isn’t activating brain, so games [and she was a real sharp games player] take a bit of starting if they are new [so we took hisss rather than castle keep].
but i love her desperately, and always hate to leave. and the girls were good, loving and adorable. can you kidnap grandparents?
I’m far worse. I don’t like to visit Grandad as I get too upset ‘cos Nan isn’t there. He won’t visit us as he is comfortable at home. It is too far for a day trip so we have to stay at Mums. Gen went by when she stayed at mums for a week and he made her a cup of tea, then went into his study where he plays patience on the pc over and over again (always has done – for years even with Nan alive). Gen wandered around the sitting room and garden then went back into the study to ask if he wanted another cup of tea. He didn’t. She sat on her own some more then said she supposed she ought to get going.
So mega guilt and it isn’t exactly fun when I am there. For him as well as Clo and me. I will go down and see him in a couple of weeks and it will be the first time since February.
And no. You can’t kidnap grandparents. That would introduce a whole new set of problems for all of you!
Love for an emotional day xx
Tricky in all respects – not sure what I think – the two grandparents of Steve’s and mine who have moved to be near family members seem to be more lonely than they were before, and leaving their ‘roots’ didn’t seem to me to help them all that much, even if they were nearer family.
I’m sure little nanny appreciates the effort you make for her even if it isn’t as often as you would like. Guess you can’t win, there would be pros and cons both ways round. (((Helen)))
I cannot really add anything that Sarah and Michelle have not already said. Both my grandparents passed away over 20 years ago so I haven’t really had to think about this sort of thing.
Maybe call her more often, or send pictures from the kids by post, a letter now and then between visits? You probably do all these things already…
Hugs from me too. xx
((((Helen))))) It’s hard.
Selfishly, I’d love C’s grandpa to live nearer, as we could then see him more often, and pop in rather than it being a whole day out every time, which is tiring for him too. But he has an excellent support system where he is, and lovely neighbours – seems wrong to expect him to leave that.
My 2 grandfathers died in my parents’ house – I’m not at all sure I’d have the goodwill to take in my own parents if they ever needed it, and I certainly wouldn’t have C’s, lol! My nan (dad’s mum) lived with them for a couple of years, but was in a home at the end, and that was no fun, she was a miserable old bat. I barely saw her before she died as she was so horrible about me being pregnant with Buttercup that I couldn’t bear to visit her, and she was at the home by then so I didn’t have to see her at my mum’s.
I hate having to worry about this stuff. Have some more (((((hugs)))))
yeah, that is the difficulty, except that a LOT of little nanny’s support system has gone – she has one helpful neighbour. the friends and family that visited have died, and her v local B-I-L rarely visits now. her brother is pretty immobile – so they mostly keep up by phone.
but yes, i can imagine living in the house v stressful too. we would prob drive little nanny mad with messiness and noise. BUT i would be less stressed than if she were mine or chris’s parents as i somehow am less ‘bothered’ to be. [does that make sense? i think the generational gap helps]. i couldn’t live with chris’s parents, and would struggle with mine in a shared house environ – though house round the corner would be ideal!