christmas is upon us

Well nearly. i kind of feel like i am standing on the walls at Helms Deep watching christmas rolling towards me. Christmas has never seemed like something to dread before, not to this extent. Last year was hard, the first year without Little Nanny, who made the essence of christmas in our family, it was hard to sing carols without sobbing, hard to make and bake, and yet… the carrying on was important. it was hard that my sister was choosing to spend what was likely to be her last christmas abroad with nuclear family at disneyland. Hard, but we cheered too, for the importance that that holiday would have. this year, well, it is just hard. At least last year it was at mum and dad’s, so a venue change, but back here this year. i could have said mum and dad, but this way chris’s parents get to join in and be a welcome part of the family too. But this year, Little Nanny still won’t be here, but oh the gaping hole of not having my sister . it is just like an open wound to the heart really. I know i am being a bit drama queen like, and that i will get through it, and make it fun for the children and i will enjoy parts too, just like last year, but it all comes at a cost and i know that it hurts hundredfold for my parents.

But we have got started with christmas, and today the christmas tree in the living room went up, with moans that i have all the best baubles [say 'yes I do' in a voice like Nic] that is because mine are bought with real money, and all the ones we make with love go on their tree in the playroom. I told them it is good to have 2 different looking trees. mine is a look no touch, and theirs is a play with and love a lot, with a different charm. Neither really bought this. it doesn’t have enough lights [ yet another light crisis, as 41/2 out of 6 chains of lights now don’t work i did get a lovely blue glass bauble from the marble place as a christmas present [early] thankyou lecielrouge for being entirely unsubtle about the hinting . Looks good though, and still room for more baubles nearer xmas will place vases of holly in here too, so will look good

The girls were given a box of toffifees this year rather than an advent calendar, and since they haven’t seen their other grandparents either, bemoaned this massively. so today, SB decided she was going to make an advent calendar to put hers in, and so made the box for it, decorated and all done. BB was not to be outdone, and we made an alternative style using the tray the toffifees came on – honestly, they are done as if you were going to make a calendar from them SO that took quite some time, but the results are great, and we are going to put in the christmas crafts page up top.

SB had a dentists visit with daddybean whilst i was working – he has built up the left [better] tooth with what looks like white filling stuff – it was set with uv, and it looks good. she can feel the bump where it joins, and it is noticeable when teeth smeared with something, but otherwise an excellent match. he says it may break periodically and need doing, and when teeth fully grown can have veneers. the right one is going to be more tricky, and he is going to take off the temp cap on wed, and the decide whether to do something involving a root canal if nerve a prob. i need to ask him a few more questions, and just want to hug her loads, as she has been v v brave XXX

the girls and daddy also cleaned out both rabbit hutches, and the rabbits have played in the conservatory. Skittles and snowy are grad not chasing so much, and i think sedna also settling, tho whether that will last… not heard anything more from snowy owl.

The girls did a bit more crafting, mostly a colour in hanging dec from yellow moon. had been trying to tempt them into stained glass, but they do like doing something that has come from a kit! BB was persuaded, but then instead of a patterned stained glass, went for a father christmas design which i had to make and cut out, by which point she put on one bit of coloured celophane and ran off. harrumph!! hoping she will do some more

bit of shrieking and tidying, as the general mess has got on top of me, and with all the other stuff, i don’t have much margins of sanity. A warm fire, chippery tea and merlin. nice to have shower without everything going dark [motion sensors at hostel ]

Poor BB seems to have lost her voice and appetite, but at least not seeming quite so listless, so hoping she improves.

SO, there we are. big day at work tomorrow [girds loins] and then mammo and dentist wed [keeps loins girded] and then a stiff drink