Author Archives: HHaricot

So huge thankyou to suzanne, my clinical director who has not only given me the tues and fri off that I asked for [in tears] but also trying to sort out wed am clinic. SHe thinks I need a break. Inspiring great loyalty, as well as making me several straws lighter – I feel I can breathe.

Aunty M went home today, saying Nanny looked a bit brighter. Still no actual bed, so in the assessment area, and the community assessment team were thinking of sending her home and popping in 3 times instead. ? when, as she still can’t move her head as neck so stiff, nor can she walk. However, getting no rehab whilst in hospital -catch 22 isn’t it. Anyway, will take the beans in tomorrow and on friday, and see what happens on wed – might have a day of rest if poss.

My Mum should have been going to Italy tomorrow, but as I believe, has/is getting dad to drive down there on his own and flying out on Sun. So that improves the weight on shoulder issue for me, and the visitor quotient and therefore will to live for nanny. Making it less likely she will give in – look I am being positive. Her temp has come down, so is obviously fighting the infection, so I am being cautiously optimistic.

but if I find one I will share.

journey to N and N not too bad. Little Nanny in great pain and v stiff/immobile – def not up for home, even staying with us. We [me and BB] put a smile on her, especially when Aunty M arrived. bbwas a real godsend. SB had made a card and wanted to go, but i didn’t know the state of play so played with chris at home. I went just over 6 hours later.unfortunately after I went some miserable cow of a nurse told her she just wasn’t trying and made her cry. She then told Aunty M that she didn’t want to carry on. I *will not* have her die this way.

I’ve sat here crying cuddling BB and feeling an overall failure. Not sure how many straws bury a small camel, but feel not far off. will try and get emergency time off on tues and fri [ my non-clinical days next week] and visit but we are supposed to be away for the weekend, and going on hols in a fortnight.

SB greeted me with joy, and i gave her a good 3 hours of concentration – didn’t seem enough though to me.

I have just run out of cope.

BUGGER. BB MANAGED TO DELETE POST

well, where do I begin.
It started off so well, playing with SB and BB, croissants and coffe for breakfast. SB a bit uncertain about stagecoach as didn’t want to leave me, but i sat in room next door then out in the sun playing with BB and she seemed to be having fun. At the dancing at the end I could see her heart wasn’t in it though. We’ll acrry on for a bit though.

Afternoon of playing in the garden, watering plants, climbing on the frame etc. We all enjoyed the sun. The reading in the conservatory – BB on lap and SB acting out the story. It was still going well. SB then decided we needed to sort out her bedroom and we went up to do it. Just as we had got to that messier than when we started moment, it all started to unravel

mum phoned in tears as Nanny [little nanny] was ill, had become stuck/immobile at home after fall and not eaten and in freezing house for 2 days, ambulance on its way. I rang, and spoke to very chippy paramedic, who obviously assumed she was unloved granny being abandoned by family, rather than much loved, visited alternate weekends by mum.aunt and intermittantly be me, phoned and written to, but not wanting to move to one of the 3 houses on offer Nanny. Went into I am consultant mode, and so promises were made of phone calls on arrival at hospital etc. I went into panic mode, but spoke to Nanny – which helped a bit [on the positive side her breast cancer not spread any further on this latest bone scan]

Got a phone call soon after from v nice A and E sister, who thought stroke and fractured neck of femur seemed both unlikely – great relief. However ? infection and v painful knee? torn ligs, awaiting doctor. Long chat with nurse, and strong painkillers, antibiotics and respect should be happenng to Nanny at the mo. Also the direct dial number to ring regarding what has happenned to her [to ring approx 1/2 hour].

Anyway, no longer going to visit friend over from the USA in London tomorrow with her 2 children, or get to spend time playing with SB. Instead 2 hour journey each way to norfolk and norwich. Stress over what to do, and what future holds. Wishing for a magic wand.

As I said, a small camel month indeed.

How nice it is to get home! It has been a bad one!

My cousin died yesterday with lots of family around her. It is such a terrible loss of one so young, with so much fun in her. Finding out on duty in the hospital with nowhere to run and hide [or free time] was not brilliant. She never married, and spent most of her life living with and then helping to care for her mother until her death. She has been a woman full of joy and enthusiasm, eagerly visiting and passionate about the lifeboat charity – which she has supported well, and tracing our family tree [which will now be passed to me]. She had many nieces and nephews to give attention too, but was happy to be single. Although she had struggled for many years with presumed SLE, it is a huge shock to us all that this admission [one in many many] has proved fatal. When she was transferred over the weekend to a bigger ITU, all the family were aware that really hope was over, enabling her sister to come from Germany and say her last goodbyes. Goodbye Anne.

To the future

No more 24 hour shifts now until June [well, I do have one in a fortnight, but a registrar on call with me from 5] so should be able to head home and get some kip]

so today, got home at 10, just intime to catch all the beansheading for siniging group, so joined them. It was fun, and SB enjoyed it, despite being way the oldest there. Chris’s mate – a homedad teacher with 10 monther- was there, and they had arranged to feed ducks together, so i joined in. Ducks were full though. I mostly fed BB as she has been ravenous today. Must find out about the village rainbows. I invited homedad in, and got chatting and SB fussed over his DD. So went well.

We then played and tidied home ed room for Karen O and 2 of her boys. A fun time was had. I enjoyed showing off house and general chat. The children got on and played well, and BB was coo-ed over!! Next time will try and tempt Merry as well! We have some piccies to add if Karen OK??

I fed BB some more – about 50th feed – and then made up stories about Maggie and the ferocious beast. Not very good as kept falling asleep, and I thought they were prob. gobbledegook – asked SB, and she confirmed this, so tried reading books instead to keep me on track. in view of this, I am prob not the best one to read bed time stories, so chris doing this while have got tea ready. I have a friend coming over later – so will socialise well and then fall in a collapsed heap into bed!

thoughts of the day: I feel odd that i haven’t done any of my normal stuff with SB and BB for quite a while now [2 weeks] so hopeing with an ease on the rota, and hopefully some sleep, that I can catch up at the weekend, and gradually settle into a better pattern. I actually miss singapore maths, and phonics, webland and the rest. Other thought, is although my job is commpromised if the gynae ward closes, I just can’t face moving again, and I am already thinking of this house as my home – so thats good. WIll just have to agitate to keep ward viable!

I managed to get lost twice today – once finding the car parking permit place – normally subtitled pit of hell, but obviously my new rank gives me new deference, and they were nice!

More of a pain, on the way home, thought I’d try a backroute. As I wibbled over half of East anglia and clocked up over 40 miles, this was less than successful!

Greated by a bounding SB and a hug, so much better instantly. Our new sofa bed delivered to the home ed room – and christened by BB – sigh. [she is trying quite keenly to blog with me!] Anyway, we were hoping that we wouldnit see a repeat of very stained, needing more than cillit bang covers – that are on our other sofas. SB enthralled by the mechanism, hopefully she wont want it demonstrated too often.

We read, played hide and seek, wandered into garden – where she tried to garotte herself with washing lline, so no visits to HV’s in near future! The potted up plants looking healthy – so thats good, and we are deciding where to put the rest of the fruit/veg. The grapevine is rampaging around the conservatory – must dig out my RHS pruning and training book.

SB had sudden exhaustion, so we watched ‘kleine hippo’ dvd, had tea, a very splashy bath and bed.

BB getting v playful and interactive. Has a second tooth now. really studies the things she manipulates. SB getting the idea of swapping rather than just taking as well. As although SB has far too many toys, the best ones are BB’s! Enjoying her solids – needless to say.

Whiskey cat is still miaowing plangently around the house looking – I presume – for much missed Guinness.

Anyway, we have 1 room not too swathed in boxes for Karen O to view! I am on 24 hour shift again tomorrw [crap] so if quiet, will trawl around blogring until IT dept ban me. Not heard any more news about my cousin. But next news is not going to be good news, realistically.

Thought of the day: short cuts make long delays! [ok, cribbed from one of my fav books!]

Well, BB and SB have been to nursery, and SB seems to like itm, though misses her old nursery.
Yesterday I think it hit her that we weren’t going back to Leeds, so she has been quite tearful about old friends, old house etc, and also guinness. Not really helped by my being at work [and at present doing a 24 hour resident shift - which I hate]. So neede lots of cuddles and attention. It also means she is in our bed.

BB has conjunctivitis badly, so has eyedrops and feels miserable. Although hard to say, I think she is missing me, and the evening and night permafeeding is getting wearing for me, and difficult for SB. So that makes 4 in a bed.

I’m also feeling homesick for Leeds, there are a few hiccups at work – primarily plans to close gynae ward and house patients on general surgical – nightmare. So straight into politics and conflict – other things that I hate! Also, just learnt today that my cousin Anne is critically ill on ITU in Hope Hospital with multiorgan failure. We can just hope. So with that, my feeling miserable at not being a home mum, missing my support system and the girls being unhappy, its really not so good chez haricot.

Chris is being a sturdy support in all this. I don’t think he felt as incorporated into the web of Leeds as I did, and being the main man, going to the local groups is making him feel part of the community more quickly. Good thing really.

I am hoping he blogs soon, as I think all my miserable blogs will be getting tedious. Hoping that when I start my 4 day week in June, thinkgs perk up.

On the positive side, I have fiddled about with my work shifts on the Kessie week, and it looks like we will be coming on the sat, I will leave tues early to go to work, and return tues night, then leave again wed night or jolly early thurs am to get to work by 8.30!! We will need to borrow a fridge for some milk if someone would be obliging though. Depending on the success of that, Chris and the girls may well then stay until friday. That seems a lot more sociable doesn’t it.

Anyway, hellos to everyone and we will try and do some home ed!! Sonlight catalogue came for me to hum and ha over, and the book people. May have to order – wait until see what is in payslip first though!

quick edit – on the laptop [which I can't gain internet access on at work] I have sorted out a couple of house and garden photos [outside] and a couple of others to be uploaded tomorrow.

It has been a bit quiet – so no doubt a horrendously busy night! Anyway, I have been going through last years digiphotos to select the ones I wanted prinitng. out of *8000* [!!!!!] I found that I wanted 750. I think a bit more pruning in order – how many photos can a decent album take?? about 400?