Category Archives: General

well, as near as can manage in current climate. work this am, and ran home for pm [with permission] did some rocket stories with SB, discussed flowers, bees, pollination and drones. then did some glueing of the melrose clock in the conservatory – v nice. BB waggled nappy free in conservatory, had SB and I singing to her and jiggling. A very nice family afternoon.

she and chris went for walk to church and looked around. Fed BB and then she had a nap. SB and I did puzzle book, and read bambi. Had a discussion on mothers dying to save their children – not the most positive, and that she needn’t worry about me disappearing. then i had to go back to work for evening meeting – cue tears – so not well timed. I’m not keen on bambi anyway as makes me cry!

At gynae meeting however, have managed to keep my job fairly well sorted out. Ward is being integrated with female surgical, but should be ok for major gynae. so that straw getting lighter. All consultants went for nice curry together – which was v nice.

Nanny had a bad day today due to earache, but Mum says ok, and walking with zimmer, and I need not make heroic drive tomorrow afternoon!

Chris took the girls to the singing group in the morning and then the park, so some social interaction as well.

Feel SB in partic missing me, so although we have a busy social schedule for weekend, I am aiming to be fairly focused on the girls.

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
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So huge thankyou to suzanne, my clinical director who has not only given me the tues and fri off that I asked for [in tears] but also trying to sort out wed am clinic. SHe thinks I need a break. Inspiring great loyalty, as well as making me several straws lighter – I feel I can breathe.

Aunty M went home today, saying Nanny looked a bit brighter. Still no actual bed, so in the assessment area, and the community assessment team were thinking of sending her home and popping in 3 times instead. ? when, as she still can’t move her head as neck so stiff, nor can she walk. However, getting no rehab whilst in hospital -catch 22 isn’t it. Anyway, will take the beans in tomorrow and on friday, and see what happens on wed – might have a day of rest if poss.

My Mum should have been going to Italy tomorrow, but as I believe, has/is getting dad to drive down there on his own and flying out on Sun. So that improves the weight on shoulder issue for me, and the visitor quotient and therefore will to live for nanny. Making it less likely she will give in – look I am being positive. Her temp has come down, so is obviously fighting the infection, so I am being cautiously optimistic.

but if I find one I will share.

journey to N and N not too bad. Little Nanny in great pain and v stiff/immobile – def not up for home, even staying with us. We [me and BB] put a smile on her, especially when Aunty M arrived. bbwas a real godsend. SB had made a card and wanted to go, but i didn’t know the state of play so played with chris at home. I went just over 6 hours later.unfortunately after I went some miserable cow of a nurse told her she just wasn’t trying and made her cry. She then told Aunty M that she didn’t want to carry on. I *will not* have her die this way.

I’ve sat here crying cuddling BB and feeling an overall failure. Not sure how many straws bury a small camel, but feel not far off. will try and get emergency time off on tues and fri [ my non-clinical days next week] and visit but we are supposed to be away for the weekend, and going on hols in a fortnight.

SB greeted me with joy, and i gave her a good 3 hours of concentration – didn’t seem enough though to me.

I have just run out of cope.

BUGGER. BB MANAGED TO DELETE POST

well, where do I begin.
It started off so well, playing with SB and BB, croissants and coffe for breakfast. SB a bit uncertain about stagecoach as didn’t want to leave me, but i sat in room next door then out in the sun playing with BB and she seemed to be having fun. At the dancing at the end I could see her heart wasn’t in it though. We’ll acrry on for a bit though.

Afternoon of playing in the garden, watering plants, climbing on the frame etc. We all enjoyed the sun. The reading in the conservatory – BB on lap and SB acting out the story. It was still going well. SB then decided we needed to sort out her bedroom and we went up to do it. Just as we had got to that messier than when we started moment, it all started to unravel

mum phoned in tears as Nanny [little nanny] was ill, had become stuck/immobile at home after fall and not eaten and in freezing house for 2 days, ambulance on its way. I rang, and spoke to very chippy paramedic, who obviously assumed she was unloved granny being abandoned by family, rather than much loved, visited alternate weekends by mum.aunt and intermittantly be me, phoned and written to, but not wanting to move to one of the 3 houses on offer Nanny. Went into I am consultant mode, and so promises were made of phone calls on arrival at hospital etc. I went into panic mode, but spoke to Nanny – which helped a bit [on the positive side her breast cancer not spread any further on this latest bone scan]

Got a phone call soon after from v nice A and E sister, who thought stroke and fractured neck of femur seemed both unlikely – great relief. However ? infection and v painful knee? torn ligs, awaiting doctor. Long chat with nurse, and strong painkillers, antibiotics and respect should be happenng to Nanny at the mo. Also the direct dial number to ring regarding what has happenned to her [to ring approx 1/2 hour].

Anyway, no longer going to visit friend over from the USA in London tomorrow with her 2 children, or get to spend time playing with SB. Instead 2 hour journey each way to norfolk and norwich. Stress over what to do, and what future holds. Wishing for a magic wand.

As I said, a small camel month indeed.