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i blame merry for that word actually, and i don’t think i have ever squeeeeeee-ed before, but…

We are so very very lucky, as suggested to kentwellies that SB keen to learn the lute to go with her ladyshipness when there. I would also like to learn and so, one of the fab and friendly music experts has lent us a lute to try out before we look to buy one!!!

SB has played for an hour…

every year I sent mother’s day cards and flowers to my mum, my nan and also my sister [once a mother] . Only my mum is still here for me to love, and i send flowers and cards knowing that mothers day now for her is a day of sadness, having lost her mum and her daughter. my girls made cards for all the nannies as well as me. i love them every day, and am very lucky to have a great mum and great girls.

As you might remember, last year we particpated in the annual tudor recreation at Kentwell Hall for the first time. I would very very much recommend anyone who can to go and visit, either in a school trip or at the weekend. it is quite something. This weekend was the first open day for new and old participants to hear patricks vision for the year, sign up for potential roles, talk to the costume elves and say hello to other parts. T-bird and her daughter aprillia are hoping to be new participants this year, so they came up on friday and joined us for the weekend.

but i am getting a bit ahead! thurs was a multisports day, both girls enjoying it, but very cold apparently. thurs also cubs for BB and guides for SB. They both love these groups. I am very happy as BB for years was v reluctant to go to participatory groups on her own, and had to be shoehorned into judo before deciding she really loved it. cubs she has loved from the get go . SB had a fair bit of problems with bulling initially at guides. she is so different, home educated, mindful and helpful, not partic trendy, not in a hurry to leave childhood behind. But she has stuck at it, got a core group of friends there and ignores the slings and arrows shot in her direction. Proud of both my girls. . fri was a very busy day, conservation in the morning and then SB had orthodontic appoint mid aft [as she had lost an elastic band] and then she had extra ballet class in the eve. BB was left in charge of the mothers day cards to nanny and nana – and did a very good job of repurposing some of the djeco pictures

So now we have got to t-bird and aprillia arriving girls played pandemic and chatted, BB was v excited T-bird and I sewed and chatted companiably in lovely conservatory great evening . I also v v quickly whipped up a partlet for SB which I was impressed by . unfortunately elves said it was perfectly fine for being poor [tho white a bit bright] but not perfectly fitted enough for rich. sigh! SB is being rich for most of it [borrowing from bess most of the clothes] and poor for a weekend or too – in the clothes i made last year. both now need a partlet. we had a pizza and film night before all getting an earlyish bedtime [ok not the kids!] . sat saw us old parts togging up in our tudor clothes for the first time since last kentwell. realised we never de-mudded the kirtles and dh hose needs a patch. all the linens ok though .

what i really like about kentwell is the very friendliness and also knowledge of so many of the participants. thankyou to the elves for their constant help and authority with the clothing. [even if the horse kept bumping me as i tried to help ] and also to Tamsin who is lending us a lute so that SB can start to play it, we can see how we get on before deciding whether to commit and buy one. very helpful, very friendly people. DH is considering basketmakers, woodchoppers or sottler – made me giggle that i needed to vouch for his skills , myself cott or peddlar [last year peddlars woefully undermanned, so thought could offer a hand] , SB tentry and then poor days- thought could beg herself a place on a station nearer the time, and BB barnschool and with me. so all sorted . t-bird and aprillia had a longer day than us but seemed happy with potential niches at the end too . I managed this lovely snap of a lovely friend

we got home, a bit shattered, watched some tv, chatted, and kids keeled over into bed and adults not much later… today aprillia still shattered, so they made an earlier decamp than orig planned, but with some linen so that helps with the 40 bags out Had cards from the girls for mothersday – which i will put on a post of their own . today has mostly been bimbling about. Have cut out next SB shift. music prac with the girls – tho bb lost her nerve when the f sharp in a key sig not by the note on the cello, so we decided to talk about it and try again tomorrow. piano moving more quickly though . SB and I did some french together. getting to the end of galore park 1 book, so need to buy 2, and think i will buy answer book as well! BB did some painting, weighing things out and minecrafting. both girls spent ages playing sylvanians together. i love it when they play happily together they are currently in a more in synch mode – phew! had a lovely tea of roasties as my treat and now should do some work I guess to prepare for tomorrow!

happy mothers day

SB got this for her birthday with the spaceships add on. we really enjoy it. TBH, i think i might still prefer the pirate version, but we did fancy getting a different version, and this is also fun . however, having lots of laser guns is good . we have played it a lot since she got it for her birthday, and i would highly recommend munchkin games as a good quick game for a multiage group.

Argh, i hate having a terrible cough and a migraine at the same time. think sinuses playing up too, and argh argh argh! I have pulled every chest, back and neck muscle in my body!
so having got the self pitying whiny bit out of the way…
This week, so far, the girls have done pretty well with their home ed work. SB has had another clarinet lesson and likes her teacher, v good! Both girls have been to pottery, not sure what they did though . usual evening activities. No-one else seems to have got my lurgy – phew!!
I have pretty much completed one shift for SB for the Kentwell open day. Since i had planned to complete 2, the partlet and do the guard on my kirtle, you could say I am a bit behind there! hope to catch up today, but just not feeling well enough to sew without making major disasters! so did the linen ties for the shift.
Today should have been a day with friends, but getting up at 11 was not made for this, and I couldn’t in all conscience spread this cough to them. So i slumped on the futon in the conservatory whilst the girls did home eddy stuff alongside me. SB spent ages on geography, then much less time on maths, music theory and clarinet prac. BB chivvied me to help her with the collins comprehension and a piano prac. she also did conquer maths and airfix and music theory – it has been so many ages since she last did music theory, and she is now playing the piano that she found this extremely easy. . Both girls did some crafty stuff – SB her djeco glitter craft and BB some more airfix.
by now it was 4pm – where did the day go! I decided that i did need to do *something* directly interactive with them, as they had been so good all day and weds would normally have had a bit more of fun and socialising in it. So we decided to do our own ‘artsaward’ session.

I have had the painting like the masters book for quite a while, so got it down [with a few others] and suggested the girls chose what they fancied doing. I specified oil paints, as usually I am reluctant as the turps gives me a migraine, but I had a migraine anyway. BB chose to paint her tortoise, and SB looked at the style of Van Gogh, and it went nicely with the anholt book too whilst they sketched and painted, I also read some story of the world – we neeeeeeed to catch up! and also a bit more about the civil war from our history series. Mostly though we painted, chatted and I drank lots and lots of fluids

[and the song... dade dade dade daaaaaa deda daaaaaa deda dadedaaaaaa]

SB not finished, and this is 2 hours of work so she will hopefully do another day. Both girls have judo this eve and think they will have to do squats for dirty hands .

We have had a bit of a crafty fay today. TBH all i was really good for was watching the girls so they had a variety of djeco craft kits from birthdays and xmasses [all bought from our friend Merry, who has a really good selection] . I love djeco crafts. they are a bit more expensive, but they are beautifully thought out, packaged and work. [i am not on commission! nor is this post sponsored] SB did a stick on type craft, and bb a sand craft and thn the dragons gouache. All fab. i think even quite a lot youger kids would be fine with SB’s stick on one though.

Our djeco gallery

The next series of child of our time has started, and SB has turned 12 this week. I have found it an interesting series, as closely allied to SB’s age when screened, tho all the children are really a year older. These episodes are mostly about change, about children taking steps towards being adults, family dynamics changing, but also largely about hope and positiveness. I particularly sobbed in the second episode, but found both very very poignant. Maybe because the series does resonate with where we are, some of the crisis have been our crises, or close to us.

So i thought i would do a reflective post. I’m not very good at these, and instead of beautiful crafting of a born writer, it will be a bit more of a mind dump, and maybe ok, maybe boring, but more importantly perhaps something where in the future i can look back too and see what i was thinking?!

i love having children, i always have. having SB completed my world, and bb added to the joy. i had the great fortune to only work part time when sb was little, so more time to play and be close to her. one of the resonant moments of child of our time was the mum who might have been a solicitor mourning her choice to give it all up for SAHM, but at the same time not. I also mourn my full time working position, wishing i could have been a full time SAHM. but would i have had regrets like her. I think so. my work is an honour to be able to do. it is a vocation, part of who i am. i really do wish i could have shared out my time better, but i know this is a selfishness on my part, because i would have loved to be at home more. my girls have been able to have their dad at home instead by my working fulil time. if he had worked full time, i would probably have needed a part time job or evening work too. so this way they have had more of both of us, since i have my wednesdays. work life is potentially in one of those moments where who knows what will happen. i can’t make the deciding call, but will look for the positive in whatever happens. but girls, really, you are my whole world, you make me smile, you keep me going when I have been sad, and you make me giggle and laugh and find the good in life. whether i see you loads or only at the end of work shifts, you still matter most to me out of everything.

I know as the girls grow up, especially SB, they will be pulling away. not always wanting to do things with me – it is often me now asking them to play, whereas when they were toddlers it was always them SB will, with good humour, join me and snuggle up, even if she is on her laptop/kindle/ds. and we still craft together and board games. the happy street and brio that we spent hours and hours with doesn’t come out. nor do we reenact fairy tales, baby doll games or any other of the favourites of her young childhood. I miss these things sometimes, but children grow up on you surrupticiously. SB has been growing older everyday. the things we do are different, and she definately has her own mind and decisions, and our way of relating changes. But i love her at this age as much as i have loved her at any of the younger ages, and delight in her company the same. she is sometimes still my little girl, and she is sometimes a young woman. I love her.

in child of our time I sobbed over the mum who died. my sister died from cancer tragically young. the impact of that was devasting for me, also for her children. all families manage things differently, and my brother-in-law is a mover on. i believe he has remarried – he might tell me some time! I would wish he would talk about my sister to his children, or be both mum and dad for them. life can be so hard.

mostly though, i want to record how proud i am of my girls, of sb a developing young woman, caring and sharing, strong in spirit, i hope we are giving you the strong roots and courage to oneday go into the world happy in the conviction that you can be whatever you want to be and can do whatever it is that you want to do. I do so hope know how much you are loved for who you are, whatever you may choose to be, and that you know that you always have a haven here should you need to come back and recharge.
SB, i do love you x x

I spilled tea over my laptop. complete disaster, non functional laptop, so am now begging sb for use of her notebook [which she has agreed] so that i can blog and then get on and do some work for work – if possible. It has actually been a bit of a disaster of a week in several ways, but good bits also!
1.Illness – migraine from wed, and from thurs terrible virus with much coughing, temp and general blurgyness! I have coughed so much that have sprained all the muscles in my chest i think . now sneezing and cold as well. Coughing with migraine is a particularly mean torture I find.
2.short-temperedness – related to illness above i imagine, but I let my buttons be pushed, and shouldn’t have done really
3.work stress – c’est la vie! and may have contributed to 2 above!

so good things

we had a fabulous weekend with friends and a surprise party for DH and SB. Hoping he blogs it to be honest – i have left a subtle hint . Thankyou to all the great friends who could still come as illness was rife that weekend! and thanks to the house decorators and cake makers and the being there is fab people . trying to skype some of the lurgified families fun also. I managed to do pancakes pretty promptly on the sunday morning, despite having gone to bed way too late, so that was good too . all presents enjoyed, both party presents and family presents given when the mayhem over. SB made DH a fab teacosy, and she has a phone [amongst other bits and bobs]

We had wodensmeet on weds and had a go at painting shadows. didn’t quite get it to come off! better luck next time and also final amylase experiments with differing pH’s.

Em stayed at ours with the family afterwards as thurs morning was an early start for them all to go to yo sushi for a sushi making workshop which they all really enjoyed. bb decided to eat a prawn, which she didn’t like, and one of her friends is egging her on a bit to eat meat. we will see! [not that i plan to buy it or cook it ever for her] . however bb doesn’t like sushi, so i got to eat it . Not sure if DH took any photos mind…

this weekend i have mostly been feeling v blurgh. went into town as had a hosp appointment [sat!] for migraines, and now must make gp appt to get antiepilepics they have recommended. so girls did some shopping and i joined them for cafe lunch and a mooch around waterstones spending their birthday and Xmas book vouchers. Both v happy with that. BB had an acute slump and pretty much fell asleep as DH carried back to bus. she has been much perkier since [unlike me]. we have crafted, done music practices with the girls, watched fact things, and played starship munchkin [another birthday pressie for SB] . now back to horizantal on sofa with SB notebook. the crafts and sewing may get other bloggage, who knows!