Category Archives: General

better day.

i worked hard today at trying not to let my total lack of tolerance be so obvious. was tricky in parts, but pretty much managed, and only suspected of nipping off for a breath/sob once. and we did loads of happy things together. starting with me having to get up way too early as chris dropped mondeo in for aircon refurb. after brekkie, we tidied up the playroom, sb read Cinderella: Level 1: Learn French Through Fairy Tales [With CD] (Slangman Kids: Level 1) rather well to BB. it doens’t have a good write up on amazon, and wasn’t what i expected, but sb likes to read it, and although it has perhaps 10 words in french in it, we count it!!! SB then did some maths, where it appears she has suddenly completely lost the plot wrt to long multip and division. it took her ages!!!

BB chose to do some art out of First Book of Art she started with the fingerprint dragon – which looked really fab when she had finished, and then moved onto the paper elephant. this was incredibly over the top, with glued jewels and feathers. she had a great time. when sb finished her maths, she moved onto this art book Art Treasury and chose the project to emulate the great wave at kanagawa by hokusai, which i think worked really well. she drew waves onto polystyrene, then when happy with design, she the dug out channels in the polystyrene. she mixed up some blues, and then used the polystyrene like relief printing woodcut. obviously it worked so well that BB did it too, so we discussed related ideas of prints/engravings and got messy!! had a great time doing this.

After lunch we went out to an event organised by Michelle, and met some old and new HE people, and the children ran about having great – and noisy – fun! this was the cloth place, and a revisit for the girls, although new to me. i had my map on me in case we got lost, and on the park and ride in, sb was charged with following its route to make sure we got off at the right place [tho the get off is v obvious!!] she really enjoyed following the road names, roundabouts etc and did it v well. training her up as next mapreader in the family. we were early so they got to have an icecream treat. as well as a park and ride treat – which they always like! was a lovely, and v noisy, session!! got to do a bit of chatting, but for quite a while played with bb. loved the sarcophagus and snakes [not maggots]. SB suggested to them an ice exploratory would be fun – ice sculpture, melting and freezing etc! needless to say, bb fell asleep on the way home. we got sb late to brownies, but they were mostly messing about in the sun or sticking pictures – as she was hot and bothered she went for sticking pics. and i collared brown owl who accepted the list of 10 brownie badges, but doesn’t have most of them.

bb came home and bounced and messed about in the paddling pool. i was allowed to stick my feet in and read book, but then my feet took up too much space – !! – and i had to just watch [read book] and then we started to make a fimo copy of a henry moore family group bronze – all bb’s idea, and only in the starting bit – will be v interested to see how it turns out. SB had judo, and we all went along at the end for the certification, as she now has the yellow/white.

so, phew, that is our hot day!

Books!!
oh, i am reading these, on load from merry. i am really enjoying them.

in return i have sent The Other Queen which is ok, tho not the best of her work [nor the worst, i actually threw one of her books away], and this Azincourt , which i really enjoyed and would recommend, i enjoyed his arthur series The Winter King a lot as well. oh and also book 2!The Valley of Horses (Earth’s Children)

difficult me

i had a compassionate leave day again today. work are being rather excellent and i am head in sanding about how much chaos this will cause. i will only have taken 4 days in the end for 2 deaths, so i guess i am not being too bad. but i am finding it hard not to grump and growl quickly. i have no tolerance, and am being crap unpredictable mum. aargh. i could at least use this time to be good mum.

anyhoo, i had a lie in/peace to reflect whilst chris and girls went to the library. bb did the craft thing making suns, and loads of new books. on return i was ready to interact. so we cuddled, bb watched her new vid, sb and i did some french and piano practice. after lunch they both got out their brainbox kits. sb ecstatic to make a mw radio and listen to tennis. also made a microphone. out to bb’s footie. her coach is v gentle with her. however after about 1/3 of lesson she was too hot and bothered and came out. sb did some nvr and read about alexander graham bell -one of her favs. the she taught bb to play duck duck goose, involving her shrieking ‘goose me bb, goose me’!!! giggle :lol: . another soon to be ex-homeducator was there. she home-edded for a temp purpose and it clearly was ace for her daughter, so congrats in order. she did point out there seemed to be huge amounts of fluff and waffle in the taster days! sb swimming – she is v good at backstroke. back home to icecream, ken hom and bed!

splashing about with cousins

this weekend i went off to my parents to stay. had a reasonable drive down listening to explorers and inventors and then popping bb straight into bed! i stayed up way to late talking to mum, and having group hug therapy. this proved to be a mistake as bb woke up before 6am, and therefore i had to too. my sis and her children came over on the sat, so had a lovely time. we drank wine, enabled the children to get totally drenched in the garden! took advantage of the road party for the kids to wear themselves out totally with just under an hour on a bouncy castle – and in that heat! and more splashing and laughing. i forgot my camera, and may or may not get a photo or 2 from mum or sis.

the next day was more of the same for bb and cousin e, but sb and m were taken to the golf driving range by my dad, and sb got a driver ‘golf stick’ and will have a few lessons. she was really enthusiastic about it. he then took them to a junior jazz concert, which she also really enjoyed. i love seeing dad and sb doing things together.

dreadful drive home – listening to scientists! and then phew a relax. bb still resolutely awake- well they both are unfortunately!

a latin day

we had a lovely and relaxed latin day. we made some glue and snot from milk and then messed about with non-newtonian liquids. we thought a bit about polymers and plastics and wandered off topic abit. then the kids all played in the paddling pool for the rest of the time really. a lovely laid back day. i didn’t weep that much – so good a at work tomorrow, and need a work face back.

obviously spending the evening listening to possible hymns increased the grieving again. i wonder if we can do 4 verses of abide with me? nanny wanted the lord is my shepherd – not sure which version music, and think 1 more should be ok. other thought is lord of all hopefullness

The smell of nostalgia

It must be all those years of the same cleaning products, or something, but little nanny’s house has always had a certain fragrance. if i was transported there, i would know immediately by smell. It was odd going there, as my mum and aunt had already started the packing away of nick nacks and treasures. little nanny collected brass, and although she gave away the horse brasses a few years back to a more or less stranger, there were the treasures on the mantelpiece that had always piqued the children’s interest. They were told they could choose some, and then played with their choices oh so carefully. i missed little nanny. she should have been in her chair, and it seemed almost a desecration that her house was being unpicked. she has lived there since just before aunty margaret was born and the house has had few changes since really my teens. apparently my nan had worried that no-one would want her treasures, except that helen, who will want to keep everything the same! she knew me well. i do want everything to keep the same. i took the girls round the house with far more freedom than when little nanny was alive. they hid in the cupboards, and i pointed out how we had slept all those christmasses ago, and bb wanted a sleepover with little nanny too. sob. she had always kept the last cards from grandad, so i took a picture of those, as something she had cherished. and then i found all of mine – bigger sob. not that i will keep them, i have her last card, of course. i put the card to her she will never read on her mantelpiece though, as if , somehow, she will hear the words, that i loved her so, and still do, that she was a wonderful nanny, none better, that i was so glad we had her for so long etc. i know, she knew i thought that anyway. the girls have back some of the hama things they made her, and i have back those little fimo owls that i have only just made her for her birthday. it just seems so, well awful, the division of the spoils. all i want is a hug, not the sewing machine!

anyway, the girls were lovely and well behaved, and made us laugh. i need to be better with SB tomorrow though, as being so sensitive, she really hasn’t had any of my attention, and yet she has given me loads of lovely hugs. bless her. bb has too, they are lovely girls. i have had my grieving time, and now must show them the life moves on with your loved one in your heart bit. you know, i was absolutely awful at goodbyes all my life. nanny used to make up games for when she and grandad left so that i wouldn’t cry so much.

so, we met, hugged, and put some more happy scenes into little nanny’s home, which has been so full of happiness over many years. if houses have karma, then that house should be a happy one. i will go again with wine to do the last of the house clearance type stuff with mum just before the funeral, and to say a last goodbye to a house filled with loads of happy memories. seems perhaps a bit silly, but it helps.

anyway, this has been a somewhat meandering post.

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hmm, lets do some blogging

last week i was lucky enough to swan off to a conference to lake como. we ate at good restaurants and learnt a lot in a good conference. the hotel was way out of town though, and getting back from the station, it was safest to walk along the railway tracks of the goods yard… not something you expect really to do! the only day out trip to belagio was lovely. I did, however, spend the entire conference getting more and more worried about little nanny, she had seemed to be getting better monday and tues, but by thurs things were not rosy, and on fri i knew active treatment had been withdrawn, and i just wanted to get home.

so having travelled all sat, i was welcomed home by a fantastic hug and cuddle from my girls. migrainous and travel sick on discussion with mum, i was encouraged [tho didn't need much] not to set straight out. so we snuggled, watched dr who, ate curry and made an early night.

not too quick off the mark to go out, and was rung to say i was too late after all. i feel dreadful that i didn’t re-prioritise things and see little nanny that last time to kiss her goodbye. prob silly, as she had slipped into a morphine sleep by saturday. but… so as no longer visiting, imposed on the manor borns to keep me sane.

we had a lovely, tho v lazy rspb walk, and have had to promise C i will do better next tine :lol: the kids appeared to have fun anyway, and bb was being particularly gorgeous really. all 3 played together without any major kerfuffles throughout the evening too, and after a lovely relaxed meal we went home to pop all of us straight to bed.

and so today, we were going to norfolk, and then not as it was a getting documents day [i have 2 days compassionate leave] and instead going tomorrow. [later and later]. so we decided to do fun things, like baking. we all got up v late, had brekkie v late, and then sb made brownies from *her* recipe book, and bb and i made a yummy choc sponge. the girls then played with silly string until it ran out. BB wanted to read a french book Lucy Cat at the Beach: Lucie Chat a La Plage (Lucy Cat) falls off perch in surprise, but agreed! SB did a verbal reasoning book and then read It’s Elementary: Putting the Crackle into Chemistry (Dk Reference) and wants to try and turn her urine into phosphorus now. :roll:

more playing, and we made pictures with light reactive paper, Sun Print Paper, which i remember enjoying as a child, and we did today. SB off to ballet, and BB and i did some pond dipping, and then retired to watch donald duck. on SB’s return, we made another cake from her recipe book Marie Claire Kitchen and had ken hom vietnames stew for dinner [SB's favourite dinner in fact]

SB and I then looked at some tiny pond bugs that i had captured with her digital microscope. slightly tricky as they kept whisking about, but she did manage to take some photos. No idea what they were. very speedy though!

anyway, tomorrow to norfolk. thanks everyone for your good wishes and thoughts, I have REALLY appreciated it.

Goodbye Little Nanny

I don’t know where to start with this blogpost, and some time I will write what I really would like to say, probably sobbing all over the keyboard. At the moment, I just want to say that I loved my nanny with all my heart, that she loved me back in a tangible way all my life, and that I will miss her.
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little nanny

A Funny Old Week

Well, I guess with Helen away most of the week in Italy ata conference it was never going to be a normal week, but still. I had vagur idea that I would try to keep the week fairly empty, have a relaxed time, get some housey jobs done etc. But was not to be.

Funeral

Monday was my Uncle Robert’s funeral, and we were all going.  My Dad has stopped driving now, as it is just too painful for his arm to steer the car. A tad annoying really when you onky functioning arm stops functioning properly. So I hired an MPV to take us all , plus my neice Liana down to the funeral.

I relalised on the Sunday, that I didn’t really have anything to wear, at least in the legwear stakes. So headed to Tesco first thing on the way to get car to find something. Ended up with a suit, which was fine, except that in the shop it just looked black/grey next to all the others. In the daylight when I  it was a more browny colour, nice enough, but not quite what I had intended. Ah well.

Funeral was, in the context of funerals, good. Some affecionate and moving speeches from a Son-in-law and a couple of other people who knew him well. Some proper hymns to have a good sing to (if you are going to go to church I really think you need to have some proper hymns to sing) and a few hugs and tears. SB managed fine. BB mostly sat on the floor of the pew and coloured, but she was tired, and started to complain of being hot etc. in the church. But didn’t want to go outside with Helen, but fell a sleep after a bit.

The coffin was wrapped in a big picture of a steam train, and the organist played the theme tune to Thomas the Tank Engine at the commital at the crematorium – get the theme here :-)

He was a good man, with a strong faith. It does seem sad that after waiting years for a grandchild they probably had given up on getting, he only got to spend a couple of years with her. If you are somewhere else now Uncle Robert, I hope it is as good as you would have hoped it was.

After refreshments I had to take Stringbean over to Birchanger Services where I handed her over to Michelle. She was going to stay with them for 2 nights whilst she did a Sailing training course. I then headed back to my Aunts house for a bit. Took Helen to the tain station so she could go and stay in some posh hotel room at Heathrow. Eventally the remnants of the party headed back to our house, where we all went to bed pretty much straight away.

Tuesday

More driving about.

Took hire car back, did a bit of shopping, had hair cut, sat in cafe and drunk coffee, read The Gruaniad without any children - bliss :-) Home to find Butterbean has been spending Grandads money. Take parents and liana back to their house. stay there until time to take BB to her football class. True to form she did manage to somehow knock her head within the first 10 minutes – so ws of woith an injury having a cuddle.
But did convince her to go back and do some more . She almost finished the rest, but stopped part way through the short game they have at the end. She doesn’t like this bit as she can hardly ever get the ball, and if she does it gets tackled away fro her in no time. So basically runs around a bit and then gets bored :-)

Had dinner at the cafe there, a bit of TV and then bed for her. SB rang up from the Old Manor, upset becuase she had bashed her toe (a classic SB-ism) and wanted to come home. This wasn’t really that practical as they are an hours drive away and there was just me, and anyway I expected her to get over it and she did it sounds like. I guess this is something you need to learn to deal with really.

Wednesday

Out again. via the Park and Ride, where we met the Patch of Puddle gang on the bus, and then were reunited with SB in town. We were going to The Cloth Place, a project by Big wide Talk, the took over 2 floors of a lovely old building, that was a shop. Filled it with all sorts of cloth things – animals, vegtables, food, various props, and the kids get to use it how ever they want as long as they don’t hurt each other and repsect the stuff. I forgot the camera but borowed Michelle’s. She has been more organised than me and posted some piccies.

It was great fun :-) Afterwards we had a picnic in the park, including a good strop by BB as she chose a drink, and then wanted to change it after it had all been paid for and I said no. We then went to the Archaeology museum, which I’ve not been to before. And had an interesting hour there.

Then back on the bus to head home, SB to brownies and general flopping abolut until dinner and bedtime.

Thursday

Yup out again. Kids all tired, and not wanting to get up.  Off to Tots and Nots, only really went becuase it was the 3rd and last of three sessions that SB has done on philosophy. They were finishing early as they were off to the Coth Place again. Then into the car, and the hour or so’s drive to my parents to leave them with BB. A short time there, then off again to take Sb to gym. They have started building work there and there isn’t much space on the balcony anymore so rather than be hot and squashed I popped into town, a little bit of shopping and another peaceful coffee :-)

Home dinner, played a game with SB, a bit of TV and bed.

Friday

Not out :-)

SB has commented that she gets given stuff to do while we do something else (!).  With all the other boring stuff of life that get in the way and never seem finished (housework, washing etc. etc.) I find myself ending up putting stuff off with them, so decided not to spend today tidying the house (sorry H) and spent mucho time with SB whlst BB was awayPottered about in the morning, a modicum of housework, reading and playing a game with SB, plenty of music practice. SB cooked lunch, where she learnt how to cook scrambled egg on toast. Then we spent all afternoon working on a project she has been wnting to do for the last few weeks. I won’t say what as it might give the game away for someone, but involved much sawing and nailing and gluing.

Once we had finished what we could, we needed to get a couple of bits, so off to the DIY shop. Then we decided to find somewhere to ahve dinner for a treat. Realised that we don’t go out in the evening much and din’t really know what was around that would have things SB might like. But found a pleasant Italian place, and a dinner with just the two of us, which was also rather pleaant.

Home, to SB’s bed time and me trying to blog a bit of the week, which I’ve managed just about  – shock!!

Shortly we are off to get BB, then this afternoon it is the carnival procession. SB is on the Brownies float and I think she might be doing a ballet display. Helen should be back homw sometime this afternoon as well :-)

and the winner is…

today the girls took their entries to the village fete whilst i went to work, and then pootled around, sb doing some recorder and reading, and bb just pootling really. when i returned, sb made me eggy bread all by herself [including the hobs] and it was delish.

we then mosied down to the village hall, and were greeted with congratulations, so it was clear the girls were going to be happy. and the gods of equality were also shining, as SB got first prize for her decorated cakes, and third prize for her recycling poster, and BB got first prize for the colour in the frog picture and third prize for her recycling poster. woohoo us! obviously they wondered why there other things didn’t win :roll: but were pretty happy. i loved some of the other classes entries, and will def try and make and keep some jam/jelly and a chutney for next year! with the giving out of prizes there was another surprise, SB won best of cookery/baking classes – apparently first time a child has won. SHe got an enormous marie claire cookery book. SHe was most happy and impressed, tho the compere looked worried.

we had a home ed discussion with someone there, who was interested and not overtly anti. and she asked sb whether it was good to have 1:1 teaching. sb responded that we just give her things to do so that we can get on with other things :roll: so really not looking forward to her first interview without us!! honestly, readers of the blog, does that really seem the way we do things?

back home, and sb decided she wanted to make yorkshire puds from the recipe book, and therefore made a roast dinner [with a bit of help] and we were all happy. we had bb biscuits and generous helpings of fresh picked strawbs for pud. fantastic!

todays more stressful events were that aunty m arrived at little nanny to find her v confused, prob hadn’t been to bed and def unwell. gp out and ? infection so aunty m told to nurse at home. a few phone calls between us, and a trip then to a and e. if i wasn’t on duty would have gone too. but now little nanny in hosp in the pretty unwell end of the spectrum. mum now there 2. aargh for needing to be in loads of places at once, because i really can’t get there for a week. i think that will be 2 late. obviously not sending john lewis flowers…