vivien

i have been working this weekend, and i hope daddybean will be blogging friday, as they had a fab day being victorians . This week SB in partic has had a good home ed week, and done lots of things, and remembered lots! She has finished galore park history book 1, so will be starting on book 2, and has started learning grade 2 piano scales. They have done lots of spontaneous science stuff – with the primary and secondary electronics kits, with the gears and with some red cabbage water indicator [which turned into a volcano fest!!] a fair bit of lego and reading too.

the girls got up too late really to go to astronomy club, which is a real shame, but did do home ed type things. Mum and dad popped by on sat and stayed overnight, which the girls really happy with. played games – card games and pandemic. i did partic badly at donkey!! felt loved and wanted and SB showed off her grasp of the upper register on the recorder v nicely. After the girls had gone to bed, we discussed tricky stuff – appeals for nephew and what would i ask if panel and what would i answer as parent, what might we do for schooling for SB. [my parents not at all keen on secondary home ed, and i can entirely see where their worries come from] etc, and sadness over the loss of vivien. I love and miss you every day and with every breath my sister, your loss reverberates across the family. I still can’t and don’t believe you have gone xx 6 months of loss

today whilst i worked they went home and i think the girls mostly legoed, and did some home ed such that SB has a book this week . general playing with us, a piano lesson for SB, and watched an interesting prog about ppl of the deserts. DH and i maxxing credit card this eve by paying for canada trip – eeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk [but still, ]

my sister loved this time of year, and the falling leaves are just so very symbolic of loss. Been a bit of a struggly weekend, tho doing my best .

Today, orig, i had thought we might go out somewhere, but have instead stayed in, as SB wanted to ‘just spend time with me’ awwwww. SO that is what we did. She has spent a fair bit of time playing with paper dolls. But we also did a long time of recorder duets together – half the book! we would have done viola, but have mislaid the book [again!!] was trying to find a nice starter violin/viola duet book, but can’t. So instead we did clarinet, and yes, it does need a service and the piano. Following that significant amount of music, BB wanted to play bohnanza again with me, having done enough ‘penning‘ [another sign] so we did that and SB started a window mosaic. BB and I then read some of A City Through Time which seems to be currently on amazon at a phenomenal price… and BB very successfully read to me another 1b book [it didn't have 'the' in it! ] before we went out to play in the garden, scrunch leaves and adore baby bunnies! It did start raining even though all else sunny – very weird!

Back indoors we ate ponigramits [bb's] in the conservatory whilst SB did the primary maths challenge. i am quite proud of her. She sat happily and did it for the allotted time, wasn’t stressed or worried and just carried on with it. A bit more stress and she might have concentrated slightly more, as she got 4 questions wrong she could do upside down waving her feet about – and even went doh when i went through them doing a quick check when she got a different [right] answer!! lol! I think she has got 15 tho even with the doh moments, and perhaps we should have done a few practices to get her head into gear, but I am proud of her relaxed and happy approach to it, and the fact that if she had engaged brain [on some of the easiest questions!!] she might have done and giggle ]

SB ate her pomegranate, and BB and I played settlers of catan, which she did quite well at, tho couldn’t see the point so we went back to bohnanza, sb went to playing with paper dolls and then we watched merlin. A very relaxed day indeed. I start my phased return tomorrow, tho actual work on tues. It is right that i get back into it, but very hard.

I just loved this pic of SB. I *love* that girl!

i have put up the photos of vivien’s funeral on flickr. Such a hard set to put up. Just cannot stop crying. How can it be that my sister is dead. in the end I still couldn’t actually look at the pictures, so they are tagged with everyone there. i also decided to use my vivien tag again, as it was all about her, how much we loved her and how much we miss her. We all spent the service sobbing, and at the wake, deliberately celebrated being a family and friends and her life. So if we look happy, smiling and laughing, they are all bought with much effort. And in part to rebalance after such an emotionally devastating experience. It doesn’t mean we loved her less.

I can’t yet look at the pictures, but they are done.

we went down to my parents for the weekend. They have been much worried about me, and I think they are reassured that all will be OK given some time and a better break! We went for the 25th anniversary concert of an orchestra mum and I were founder members of, and viv joined a bit later. I had a lovely time playing before with them, including the first mvt of beeethovens violin concerto and even after i left, returned for a number of concerts, including
the 10th and the 20th reunion concerts, both with mum and sister. Mum and I [and viv as offer made in July] were asked if we would like to play this time. we said no, tho i sort of wish we had said yes, tho on the other hand the tchaik 1 is total nightmare – and that was the only bt we thought we would be playing, but as it turned out those returners played the whole concert, including mendelsohn violin [ooh] and butterworth banks of green willow [aah]. Anyway, mum, dad and I took SB with us, and enjoyed the whole concert, and SB was really good at not jiffling and looking interested, even tho tchaik 1 on the turgid side! but what reduced us to tears was the dedication of the green willow – a strings heavy piece – to my dear sister vivien. Still SAK as i write this. I think all 3 of us had tears dripping down through the whole piece, beautiful that it is.

Once we had recovered – in the lovely Mendelssohn, we could enjoy the rest of the concert. it was fab meeting people again, some who we had seen recently at viv’s funeral, but some others that i went to music centre, or were taught by. And also one of mum’s school friends there too. After the concert, all old members were invited ‘backstage’ to enjoy some champagne to toast the longevity of the orchestra and hug previous friends and desk partners and too our total shock, mum and i got flowers as founder members!! SB found all this chatting bit quite boring. luckilly i took ds for her .

we got home late to find BB still awake, so i sang her to sleep – aw like doing that and SB went to sleep fairly instantly too.

next day chatting and playing games with my parents. SB caught up her 25 on this weeks ticksheet by doing 2 piano pracs, verbal reasoning and spelling book – good girl!! [actually took her to 28]. Dad set up a measuring and finding game in the garden which they both enjoyed. SB was a bt tierd and fragile with wailing at every knock, and BB had a right roayl strop, so i told her off for being ungrateful and greedy oh well!! lovely lunch from mum.

We then took a too boisterous BB and a slightly droopy SB on a geocache walk with my mum, a lovely walk across fields near where they live. i remember doing this walk loads as a child, and then courting chris I think we went too as a short cut to a nice pub. Rather more hideous memories of it being the cross country route of middle school! Actually the middle school maintain this geocache, and we found it easily, exchanged tat, and put in the daddybean TB. As we walked back, we walked past the scout hut, and the road to it has been named after a friend and neighbour who died suddenly in 50′s – another tearful moment. SO feeling quite a memory lane weekend, and wish that you could sometimes just pop back in time, just to relive and feel the moments, not necessarily to change.

straightforward drive home, and my fav [i think, tho this does change!] overture played on classic fm. i will leave you wth that at end! girls in bed, but not asleep. rabbits all safe, and chrs and i cold, so heating on from 2moro!

part one

part 2

fri my BIL and E and M arrived!! woohoo!!! previously on friday, there was a significant amount of time spent tidying the girls room [AKA heavy duty parental shrieking~!] – and it looked way better for it! and sorting out books. SOme piano prac and rabbit care too, but mostly tidying and hoovering – including the latest influx of dead bees! We have a wild honeybee colony living at the top of our chimney in a disused pipe. they have been here for 5 years now – longer than anticipated as untreated for varroa, and about this time, all the ones not required for surviving over the winter die off, usually in our conservatory! haven’t seen them swarm the last 2 years, but loads of bee activity this year, so next year they might be strong enough as a colony.

Got lost there didn’t we! anyway, after a great deal of excited waiting, they arrived – cue screaming, racing around like loons etc etc!! unfortunately i had to go out to a leaving do of a v much loved and respected colleague – so much so that i did actually go. felt odd going out, as really not in the mood. and well, i felt a bit unsettled all the following day too. such is life!

so the next day, we set about having fun. lots of running about playing games, cuddling baby rabbits [a lot of that as E adores rabbits!], i had a craft, which will become available on playmerrily! but i couldn’t wait and bought from amazon, and it is really, really fab! we all had a great time doing them. i would recommend! hoping merry might stock birds of paradise one at some point [couldn't split the girly ones!] anyway, SB did the chinese one, BB the mexican, M the alaskan and E the australian.

they didn’t do it quite all in one sitting tho, we also had E and BB watch high school musical for a bit, playing sardines, doctor who, vets, more rabbit cuddling, collecting seeds and looking at them under the microscope – that was a huge hit actually, and various kids came back again and again to look at different things. M wanted to do the yeast experiment that we hadn’t done last time, so we did that, collected the carbon dioxide into balloons, and then proved was CO2. all v home ed! nice easy bed time for the kids. we adults played Alhambra, v much enjoyed. I had a single limoncello, and must have gone directly to my head, so we were never that sure of final scoring, so declared a draw, with much hilarity! [it seems to be v cheap on amazon at the mo!]

i tried a sleeping tab, not sure how it worked, tho did sleep thro, but left funny taste in mouth and then have had migraine today, not sure if related. uncertain whether to try again tonight. trying to get out of a month of sleeplessness into a better position, as that might help me move on a bit.

SO today we decide to do a bit of cobweb blowing and go for a walk. not entirely the best decision as BB suffering from 2 minimal sleeps and on a knife edge for self control… BIL was interested in the idea of geocaches – and gadgets! Anyway, we were aided by finding all 3 of the caches we looked for, and they all had swaps too. made the kids find it v fun. we placed SB’s travelbug in there, and hope it travels well. There was a really, really muddy bit tho, so wellies def required wear!
We nearly went for a 4th, M and SB v keen, but BB had a major wobble cos E had chosen the thing she wanted… and then E getting a bit tired walking, so turned back. good thing too, as started to rain as we got to cars, so this way did it as a fun highpoint rather than a chore!!

we got home, they left and i collapsed with the migraine that had been worsening. Chris and SB played a fab game of alhambra,which she v enjoyed, and BB fell asleep infront of tv and i slept for 5 hours! when woke up, realised the pain in my soul was worse, that i had enjoyed the weekend, but that there was no Vivien in it. no sister ever again. And it hit me anew, that i was bereft. so i struggled this eve. lots of snuggles from girls whilst watching a birds dvd. And SB wrote me such a beautiful letter that i cried and nearly made her sad, but i told her it was because it was so precious and i loved her lots. love my girls x x

vivien, i miss you, and nothing will ever change that, but you would be proud of how well your kids and stewart are doing, and we had a fun weekend of laughter and camaraderie, and hopefully there will v many more to come.

I woke up having dreamt of vivien, and oh god i so miss my sister. knowing she is there, laughing, grumping, whatever, but being alive.

so today i haven’t achieved much at all. i did go swimming at BB’s request. i think that is it really.

my sister had a lovely service by a lovely curate with lovely family and friends present. there were many musicians, so the singing was wonderful. and that she was gone far too soon meant that there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. my auntie marylyn was over from canada to help viv, but only saw her a couple of days before she died, and obv stayed for funeral. thankyou aunty marylyn for being there for my parents, when you had planned to be there for my sister. E and BB sobbed their way through, my nephew tried to look brave. i saw lots of old friends and gained comfort from them and my family. and hugged my sisters friends, who have supported her so well. i can gain no comfort tho for her untimely loss, and will prob rage against that my whole life, a life that i planned to share with her much more. I can, however, fulfil my promise to her, that her children would know that she loved them with her whole heart, and that they would continue to know her.

music we chose

almost everyone went back to the golf club to talk and hug. it really was an affirmation of how much she meant to everyone. the kids blew o some steam and then family only back to parents to start the moving on grieving.

i love you always viv, i cannot wish you to have carried on as you were in the last 2 months, and death did come as a blessed relief, as you were fed up and trapped in a body that couldn’t do what you wanted. But I oh so wish that things had been different or you. x x

I had booked last and this week as annual leave back in easter for a trip to france, or as my sister worsened, one to wales or isle or wight, and then as the time drew closer i thought it would be to spend her last days together. but instead it has been for me to grieve, to not put on the work face and not spend my day listening to and trying to sort out others problems, but to concentrate on those closer to home. grieving though is detrimental to my children, well any prolonged bursts are, partic to BB. both my girls look hard at my face frequently to see if there are tell tale signs of grief. I therefore mostly parcel it up to now, when they are in bed, tho it escapes at other points in the day. i tell them grieving is normal and reasonable, but so is laughing and enjoying their company, tho i am finding that difficult. not their company, but listening to them when they screech or bicker, or just over exuberance. i have currently a small supply of tolerance and patience, tho i love and adore them just as much. SB has been v lovely and gentle, she is a blessing really. BB has been wildly herself, over the top in her emotions and spinning like a weathervane in a cyclone. she really doesn’t like me unhappy, and doesn’t know quite what to do. keeping busy is generally what to do! so we have done that.

so we have done looking at the baby rabbits and seeing how they are growing and changing, and getting them used to being stroked. we have done a fair bit of home ed, and a lot more arting and crafting, predominantly with crafts bought from my friend merry at craftmerrily listened to music for the peace of my soul – including a lovely birthday present cd – just what i needed

SB got the results of her grade 3 ballet – she passed, and only a couple of marks off a merit – woohoo!! i have bought the next RAD DVD as think this was the thing that made the difference BB started at gym – and was v excited, and SB moved into the older class and is hoping to be stretched a bit as it is an all or nothing kind of gym,and they are both in recreational classes. SB did entirely mangle her glasses there how does she do it!! think we might have to splurge on flexiframes for her they both had swimming – BB getting her level 5 [i think] certificate, and SB judo – again in the older class, so came home tired.

so we went camping to suffolk. we stayed here a bit surprised with the pitch, as ours totally grass free and a raised bark chipping base to pitch on under trees – actually seemd to be camping in a wood. perfect size for the minnesota, but would have not been so good for anything bigger. also glad to have an underground sheet, as would worry that the chippings may perforate the integral groundsheet of the minnesota. however, once over the initial surprise… i quite liked it. i liked the nearness to the beach and a good reserve to walk about in. and it was an ‘easy’ campsite IYKWIM. certainly it was good for chris and the kids to run about on the beach whilst i cooked tea and had a few moments of quiet contemplation.

one of the things i contemplated was my regret that my sister and i had not been better friends. we loved each other, and that has always been a constant, but we lost touch with communicating the minutiae when i went to uni, and those 7 years, and then my next 8 until the birth of SB we did phone and meet, but not regularly, a kind of long distance love. we knew each was there and living our own happy lives as it were. when we both had children we started to knit our lives back together at bit more closely. we were always chalk and cheese, and our parenting styles mirrored that, but we were gradually working our way out of childhood sib rivalry into adult friendship as well as family love. my sisters diagnosis 2 3/4 years ago accelerated that process dramatically, but one of my regrets, perhaps my largest, is that i didn’t grow up quickly enough to be a friend for my sister for who she was, rather than who i thought she should be soon enough in our lives. i am sorry for failing her there. maybe we managed to make up for it. we certainly both loved each other hard enough, and on my phone i have nearly 600 texts from her in the last year, mostly conveying love and fear. ah, my sister i do love you so.

the first day we went to sutton hoo. really enjoyed it. good little museum with really friendly staff. since not v full, also making sure the girls got to see interesting bits, including the raptor display outside. SB has always had an interest in the saxons, so this was right up her street. lovely walk to the burial mounds – grr to not taking gps as we walked right passed a geocache lovely cafe as well. so we were all happy.

next day we did some beaching – crazy girls body boarding in freezing sea~! i looked for interesting pebbles, and found some amber though chris was reluctant to believe it was poss to find amber. ah, but i come from a long line of east anglians. some things you just know

Don’t forget as well to look out for amber. This is fossilised resin and you can find it all along the beaches in Suffolk. It has a similar specific gravity to coal and because it’s light it floats in the water. The best place to look for it is at the very top of the strand line. It’s a little yellowy coloured stone and looks vaguely translucent.

we then went on a geocaching walk/cycle to dunwich heath. both circles cycled v carefully along the only v v lightly used road, with us walking behind. v pleased with them both. ok, SB always going to be ok, but she was v caring looking after her little sister as well, and BB also v careful. they tended to pull in to side and stop when one of the infrequent cars went past. mostly so car driver not scared picked lots of wild blackberries as went along, and thought of aunty marylyn, now safely back in canada. just in time to have a pit stop at cafe tho lots of wasps, and then found the first part of the geocache easily. we went wrong with the second part, as it is a bit of a high road/low road thing, and we didn’t choose the right one… however, had a great walk and saw some excitement! a bird never before seen in suffolk, and rare anyway, the king eider, and loads of twitchers in high state of excitement!! without their long lenses, we saw a ducklike blob on the water! anyway, we went back to the campsite to drop bikes, and for me to start dinner, whilst they did the alternative low road/high road route and found the cache – phew!

on other things, me ‘n girls played a fair bit of animal crossing in those in between moments, and BB still crowing that i caught her a blue marlin, but haven’t got one myself, well i have now! but i might give her the pleasure for a bit longer!! Merry gave me the idea of suggesting mum give it ago as evening brain switch off, safer than tv for this last difficult year, and once she got into it, viv and her 2 gave it a go, and SB already had it, so i joined in. viv couldn’t keep it up, so em now runs her town rather than her own. but it has been a something we can do together without saying those difficult things we have been thinking, so a good distraction. my nephew ‘in the lead’ he might have 2redboots acquisition fervour…

this blog post has become rather long, and realised i haven’t blogged viven’s farewell. will have to do that next time. no current strength to revisit.

anyway, onto today. we packed up and went to framlingham. v nice and simple english heritage! again nice ppl in shop and nice chats, and both girls were on the adorable side of the spectrum! SB being model HE and reading all the plaques, and BB being smily! in the shop they spent some money from aunty marylyn. BB finally got The Bird [a peregrine falcon - cf our english heritage shop woes in june] and SB their wooden bow and arrows. so i had an archer and falconer displaying in the green as we ate lunch. chuckling older ppl as they watched 2 such happy re-enactors!

we got back to find baby rabs even more hoppity and skippity. hope to get decent photo perhaps tomorrow.

even tho the days are dark

don’t worry sis, we’re grieving hard now, but we will make it and you will live on in our thoughts and hearts. x x miss you.

we wished for health and miracles every drink we drank from the moment of your diagnosis. we loved you and willed you to be successful in your fight against cancer. As i said goodbye for the last time i promised you that i would look after your family and keep your love alive. I miss you, i miss the 6 one word texts in a row that drove me demented! i miss the laughter and love. x x rest now in peace sweetheart, your hard work is done now x x

we love you

my sister passed away on friday, losing her battle with breast cancer, and she really did battle it, up to the last, denying that it could possibly tear her away from her children, who she was desperate to watch growing up. She tried everything possible, and remained positive for far longer than i think i could have managed. I loved her so very dearly, and although I knew this day would come, somehow I am still in total shock and devastation at being here.

She was the sister I loved, played with, argued with and laughed with. we were chalk and cheese over many things, yet had many things in common. we had music and our kids to bind us together, and being part of an embracing family. She was prettier and on the whole nicer, with a generous spirit and love. She was also grumpier!

I saw her last last weekend when I was deciding to go to a conference in canada. i was fairly certain i wouldn’t go, but when I was there she told me not to be so silly and to go, and bring her back something nice. In my heart and head I knew it would be a risk, but thought it would prob be OK, only 5 days after all. And I knew not to go when she asked me to would fail her, that she would know that i thought her death too imminent, so I went. By thurs i knew I was too far away for too long, though got no messages from home, but my heart was clutching with anxiety. i had a friday call from chris, which didn’t say anything was wrong. but by the time i queued for the plane i was agitated and worried. By then, she had slipped away. my mum and dad, her husband and children were present as she breathed her last. that morning she had said her last words, which were to her husband ‘have fun today’ which i think are pretty damn cool last words, though they are making me cry. I think most things will be making me cry for quite some time. Knowing for so long someone is going to die, and grieving for so long about it really don;t appear to lesson the awful grief now.

on the plane home I knew with certainty that when i switched my mobile on in baggage reclaim i would find that she had died. It was prophetic. I sat down on a chair, switched it on and saw 7 messages of condolence. most of my family had not contacted me, having decided dad would tell me when he drove me home, but those that didn’t know… several nice strangers offered me tissues and steered me sobbing to the right exit.

i saw her in the chapel of rest. she looked no different to less than a week ago. asleep perhaps, but her lips were pursed up in the way she did just before she asked for a cup of tea. she looked like she was still alive and thinking. It broke my heart anew.

so we are all struggling, my brother in law to hold things together, clutching at his children to keep the need to keep going onwards, his children, in shock and barely believing she won’t come back [a position i find myself in too] and my parents, who are about to bury a child. You just shouldn’t be predeceased by your children. They hurt with every pore in their body. It is just too hard.

I don’t plan to write many sobbing posts, I plan to make little steps that will lead me from here to a place where the sun can rise without me crying that this is another day my sister won’t see, to a future where between us all, my brother in law and my niece and nephew are whole and can carry on in life with beautiful memories and sadness also, but on the edge, rather than all we can see or feel. Thankyou for al the texts and messages. i can’t quite answer them, but i am v greatful for them.

Last weekend we took delivery of the precious cargo of my nephew and niece for a week. the plan, to have fun! ingredients barracudas for the older 2 and trampolining for the younger. the trampolining took a hit before even started with E breaking her foot a fortnight ago, and although now out of plaster, no jumping allowed!

things we did well!

so this week started well, lots and lots of crafting, ds-ing, playing. also sewing, singing and science. We have tried to make this week as busy and fun as possible. we visited the raptor centre and looked at the flights, we went to the cinema, we had a BBQ had fav food, read books, watch cd’s and generally cheer lead.

things that could have done better!

E’s broken foot meant no trampolining to provide a focus for the little ones. M broke his arm on tues playing football at barracudas – aargh!! so a and e and fracture clinics in the week. and poor SB got bullied mercilessly, so didn’t go back after the wed. she tried hard to manage there, but they weren’t letting go, and we decided that it wasn’t worth it i hate it that she gets bullied, she is a soulful, gentle child with a quirky personality and just doesn’t get why ppl do it, and gets hurt to the quick

so we had 2 children worried about their mum, both with broken bones and v wobbly moods, 1 feeling sad and bullied, and also i had a v difficult, stressful and long working week as well as being worried about my sister and about the 4 children who we have tried to keep a balance for. to say I am currently a small camel is understating things!

i hope we have managed to give the children a bit of joy this week, amongst managing them. I am not sure what the next week will bring them, and us. I am not sure i have managed as well as i could have done, and could do with a weekend of peace! but will drive to see sis, and decide whether i can go ahead with the conference i should be attending on mon. i need to breathe i think, but there seems to be no air to spare.

I know all 3 of the authors, 1 is a sister, 2 are friends and met through home educating. 2 fiction and one self help manual. Have a look at the blurb and consider buying

Hmm we seem to have no internet access. The router is off, so who knows how long we will be internet free for! So I had better put a little bit of blog down here!

So far this week the girls have done a fair bit of home ed type stuff. SB has been quite busy with music practice, predom clarinet and viola, and BB has been ecstatically doing loads of getty and dubay so has nearly finished book A, and is now on explode the code book 1 = much excitement! I think she is getting more confident with the idea of reading, but doesn’t really want to practice it much!! A lot of crafty stuff has been done too! Painting some more of those animals we had at the party, and colouring. Oh, and maths, spelling etc etc! lots of reading, as the reading challenge is back on, and playing with rabbits.

On wed we went to visit sis. SB and M played golf with dad, which they both enjoyed. We have to fix some more golf lessons for her! I took down loads of craft, and the kids had fun painting suncatchers. Saw that M had been doing loads of the other craft kits I have given him, so that is good! Viv is doing her best, and certainly her walking is improved, so she got from bed to table for lunch, and a bit of moving around. Dad has built a ramp for a wheelchair to her door, as the OT said that the space was too small!! Has meant that he can wheel her out into the garden so doesn’t get so trapped feeling. Not that we got out when we were there. The weather was pretty awful! Including a very dreadful thunderstorm and rainstorm whilst we were driving. My sis and her family have my heart and thoughts at the moment, as do my parents, who are trying to make her reality work as best as they can

and to update and leave on a lighter moment! SB and BB continued to do lots of home ed, with BB falling in love with explode the code, and SB doing a complete schofield and simms workbook today! there has also been some reorganisation of bookshelves in the girls room, and SB started painting her ornament shelves.

we are much enjoying reading this at bedtime

this july has been v crazy-busy so far, and i could really do with a relaxing holiday. it seems that sept is my best bet! mon i had off work, so nipped the 2+ hours to visit sis, and then journey back. then after work again visited her again, this time with family. following that tho, we didn’t come home, but stayed at mum and dad’s house and raided their freezer! [they were already in charmouth with my nephew M and niece E].

following morning, nice and early we set off for seadown. I love seadown! it saved my sanity last year, and certainly provided me with some moments of happiness this time. it is also a fab campsite, with yes, lovely toilet block, flat pitches and also statics for my parents to stay in. but the main attraction is the tiny walk to the beach! and what a beach!! rock pools for rockpooling, fossils for fossiling, waves for boogie boarding for kids, sand for sandcastles, as well as retail opportunity and bijou museum. have i sold it to you yet?? Love it!

anyway, tent up, hugs with parents and craziness with 4 kids!! we went down to the beach, bought SB and BB a small board to mess about with.[ later we saw a surfer dad start to teach his kids to balance with a wooden shield like board. looks like a good idea!] both my girls near drowned themselves they had so much fun ‘catching the wave’ with SB trying to kneel as well. we might enrol her in a surf school one holiday… [hmm having checked newgale out due too many recommendations, see it does have a surf school nearbye, but doesn't take dogs anymore! that must be a blow!!] oh, i am being so distractable in my blogging! anyway, lots of messing in the sea. E not so keen tho! and BB and E hid in suntent to enjoy ice cream. us hardy adults thought the need for sun tent or wind break fairly evenly balanced! quickish tea – ken hom for us, pasta for them, and then me, mum and steward took the kids for an evening fossil walk. also fab!! we found quite a few ammonites, i found a composite belemnite rock, which i thought was cool!! SB found a cast of a bivalve, which was cooler!! although we found some iron pyrites, we didn’t find any in ammonite form though which was my goal!! called back by dad and husband who thought we had been out way too long! it was getting quite dark, so guess they were right.

earlyish start the next day to get the waves! sand castling also happened, but boogie boarding was the best activity! SB just soooo loved it. she is truly a water baby! i loved so watching her, gave me a huge hols smile. and in fact, one of my drives to get thinner/fitter is so that i can mess about with her – i think i would prob sink a board currently! unfortunately i broke BB’s bucket, and going to get another one was a disastrous 45 min wailfest as there was too much choice I think i did a passable impression of a calm and collected parent as we swept out of the shop to sit and cuddle on a seafront bench whilst calming down [yes, both of us!] before coming to an agreement, going in, buying bucket and quick exit!! after sarnies on the beach we went to the coastal heritage place, and SB, BB and E polished an ammonite slice there, and then looked at the activities. This time it was E’s turn to have a ‘retail moment’, but still mine to manage it it’s a great little place tho, and v helpful wardens, who looked at some of our finds of the previous eve. A bit more beaching/sandcastling and then home for BBQ for us and take away pizza for them! kids did some crafting – fab djeco mosaics from craft merrily! all round at our tent as venue. unfortunately [or fortunately, since we had all finished eating] the heavens opened and we proved that you could fit 5 adults and 3 children in the living space of a minnesota 4! [SB was outside doing a rain dance - lovely dance, crazy girl! ]

another day! another day at the beach!! this time we started with rockpooling. we found some likely looking pools with stewart, dad and M. [E having a bit of a moment stayed with mum, who then joined us when migraine a bit more under control] we were suprised by the wealth of life we found in the pools! crabs, anemones, various seaweeds and small fish. we had a great time searching, peering and finding! eventually the tide covered the rock pools and we let the variety of creatures go free. Mum and E had joined us, and we had a picnic before the plan was made to make more sandcastles and do more boarding, after having a perusal of the shops! money was exchanged! rocks, stones, fossils, stretchy dinosaurs etc bought!! happiness!! SB upset that M didn’t want to go in the water, but with chris and stewart, she and BB had a whale of a time! i hadn’t put in the swimming costume i had planned to, so didn’t swim, and slightly grumpy, tho the water would have been freezing!! [this is where i look up plus sized wet suits again!!]. went back to tent. kids crafted – finished the fab djeco mosaics! def a recommended craft! curry for tea – camp for us, takeout for them!! and then piled into bed exhausted. I had a bit of a teary night, and all unsettled. it did feel as if the holiday was my last drop of happiness for a while. I blame too much limoncello!!

having not slept, getting up and taking tent down did seem rather an effort! have to clear the pitch by 10! waved mum, dad, M, E and stewart off, and then our car didn’t start! i took girls to beach and left chris in charge of starting car – luckilly a nearby camper helped out! we went to the heritage museum, looked at bits and pieces and then down to the beach and rockpooled with chris. totally different beasties in this totally different area! a cafe lunch as picnic on beach, some sandcastles [leaving me to visit viv on way home with sandy knees still!!] a goodbye to the sea – one day we will live by the sea! – and we were off!! an easy drive home with a stop to see viv – she plans to go home on wed, all being well.

sunday at home a bit deflating, rabbits back home – snowy even bigger but far less fluffy, so went and watched shrek forever after, a bit of a romp of a film, only 1 sad moment [that's good!] not as good as first 2 shrek’s, but sequels are always trickier!! still, all happy and home to bed!

monday SB waved off to Brownies camp today! hope she has a really fab time!! BB slightly moochily lost, so a variety of crafts – some from playmerrily discont sale!! [so no longer there to link too! v well received!] and some glass painting things from yellow moon – always a hit! I did some freehand dolphins on a glass to give to Viv. then ds vs mario kart – BB ecstatic to win each race as i am totally crap at it!! ah, and now we have caught up – presses publish!!