I had booked last and this week as annual leave back in easter for a trip to france, or as my sister worsened, one to wales or isle or wight, and then as the time drew closer i thought it would be to spend her last days together. but instead it has been for me to grieve, to not put on the work face and not spend my day listening to and trying to sort out others problems, but to concentrate on those closer to home. grieving though is detrimental to my children, well any prolonged bursts are, partic to BB. both my girls look hard at my face frequently to see if there are tell tale signs of grief. I therefore mostly parcel it up to now, when they are in bed, tho it escapes at other points in the day. i tell them grieving is normal and reasonable, but so is laughing and enjoying their company, tho i am finding that difficult. not their company, but listening to them when they screech or bicker, or just over exuberance. i have currently a small supply of tolerance and patience, tho i love and adore them just as much. SB has been v lovely and gentle, she is a blessing really. BB has been wildly herself, over the top in her emotions and spinning like a weathervane in a cyclone. she really doesn’t like me unhappy, and doesn’t know quite what to do. keeping busy is generally what to do! so we have done that.
so we have done looking at the baby rabbits and seeing how they are growing and changing, and getting them used to being stroked. we have done a fair bit of home ed, and a lot more arting and crafting, predominantly with crafts bought from my friend merry at craftmerrily listened to music for the peace of my soul – including a lovely birthday present cd – just what i needed
SB got the results of her grade 3 ballet – she passed, and only a couple of marks off a merit – woohoo!! i have bought the next RAD DVD as think this was the thing that made the difference 
BB started at gym – and was v excited, and SB moved into the older class and is hoping to be stretched a bit as it is an all or nothing kind of gym,and they are both in recreational classes. SB did entirely mangle her glasses there 
how does she do it!! think we might have to splurge on flexiframes for her they both had swimming – BB getting her level 5 [i think] certificate, and SB judo – again in the older class, so came home tired.
so we went camping to suffolk. we stayed here a bit surprised with the pitch, as ours totally grass free and a raised bark chipping base to pitch on under trees – actually seemd to be camping in a wood. perfect size for the minnesota, but would have not been so good for anything bigger. also glad to have an underground sheet, as would worry that the chippings may perforate the integral groundsheet of the minnesota. however, once over the initial surprise… i quite liked it. i liked the nearness to the beach and a good reserve to walk about in. and it was an ‘easy’ campsite IYKWIM. certainly it was good for chris and the kids to run about on the beach whilst i cooked tea and had a few moments of quiet contemplation.
one of the things i contemplated was my regret that my sister and i had not been better friends. we loved each other, and that has always been a constant, but we lost touch with communicating the minutiae when i went to uni, and those 7 years, and then my next 8 until the birth of SB we did phone and meet, but not regularly, a kind of long distance love. we knew each was there and living our own happy lives as it were. when we both had children we started to knit our lives back together at bit more closely. we were always chalk and cheese, and our parenting styles mirrored that, but we were gradually working our way out of childhood sib rivalry into adult friendship as well as family love. my sisters diagnosis 2 3/4 years ago accelerated that process dramatically, but one of my regrets, perhaps my largest, is that i didn’t grow up quickly enough to be a friend for my sister for who she was, rather than who i thought she should be soon enough in our lives. i am sorry for failing her there. maybe we managed to make up for it. we certainly both loved each other hard enough, and on my phone i have nearly 600 texts from her in the last year, mostly conveying love and fear. ah, my sister i do love you so.
the first day we went to sutton hoo. really enjoyed it. good little museum with really friendly staff. since not v full, also making sure the girls got to see interesting bits, including the raptor display outside. SB has always had an interest in the saxons, so this was right up her street. lovely walk to the burial mounds – grr to not taking gps as we walked right passed a geocache lovely cafe as well. so we were all happy.
next day we did some beaching – crazy girls body boarding in freezing sea~! i looked for interesting pebbles, and found some amber though chris was reluctant to believe it was poss to find amber. ah, but i come from a long line of east anglians. some things you just know
Don’t forget as well to look out for amber. This is fossilised resin and you can find it all along the beaches in Suffolk. It has a similar specific gravity to coal and because it’s light it floats in the water. The best place to look for it is at the very top of the strand line. It’s a little yellowy coloured stone and looks vaguely translucent.
we then went on a geocaching walk/cycle to dunwich heath. both circles cycled v carefully along the only v v lightly used road, with us walking behind. v pleased with them both. ok, SB always going to be ok, but she was v caring looking after her little sister as well, and BB also v careful. they tended to pull in to side and stop when one of the infrequent cars went past. mostly so car driver not scared 
picked lots of wild blackberries as went along, and thought of aunty marylyn, now safely back in canada. just in time to have a pit stop at cafe tho lots of wasps, and then found the first part of the geocache easily. we went wrong with the second part, as it is a bit of a high road/low road thing, and we didn’t choose the right one… however, had a great walk and saw some excitement! a bird never before seen in suffolk, and rare anyway, the king eider, and loads of twitchers in high state of excitement!! without their long lenses, we saw a ducklike blob on the water! anyway, we went back to the campsite to drop bikes, and for me to start dinner, whilst they did the alternative low road/high road route and found the cache – phew!
on other things, me ‘n girls played a fair bit of animal crossing in those in between moments, and BB still crowing that i caught her a blue marlin, but haven’t got one myself, well i have now! but i might give her the pleasure for a bit longer!! Merry gave me the idea of suggesting mum give it ago as evening brain switch off, safer than tv for this last difficult year, and once she got into it, viv and her 2 gave it a go, and SB already had it, so i joined in. viv couldn’t keep it up, so em now runs her town rather than her own. but it has been a something we can do together without saying those difficult things we have been thinking, so a good distraction. my nephew ‘in the lead’ he might have 2redboots acquisition fervour…
this blog post has become rather long, and realised i haven’t blogged viven’s farewell. will have to do that next time. no current strength to revisit.
anyway, onto today. we packed up and went to framlingham. v nice and simple english heritage! again nice ppl in shop and nice chats, and both girls were on the adorable side of the spectrum! SB being model HE and reading all the plaques, and BB being smily! in the shop they spent some money from aunty marylyn. BB finally got The Bird [a peregrine falcon - cf our english heritage shop woes in june] and SB their wooden bow and arrows. so i had an archer and falconer displaying in the green as we ate lunch. chuckling older ppl as they watched 2 such happy re-enactors!
we got back to find baby rabs even more hoppity and skippity. hope to get decent photo perhaps tomorrow.
i hate it that she gets bullied, she is a soulful, gentle child with a quirky personality and just doesn’t get why ppl do it, and gets hurt to the quick 
which was my goal!! called back by dad and husband who thought we had been out way too long! it was getting quite dark, so guess they were right.